[blueerica]

And I'm totally serious...

I was super-close to posting it on my LJ where only a few eyes could see it, but I decided to grow a pair of balls (no... not really, but yeah, figuratively) and post it here.

Tonight I caught How To Look Good Naked. Watching the show tonight sort of opened up, for me, the thought that so many women have such negative self images. I know I'm no supermodel, but I don't even see myself in the way these women do - and the women they had on, in a great many areas, in better shape than I am. And yet, they were crying. They were despondent. They were depressed. At least I didn't feel that way about myself, right?

The show was fantastic, but primarily for women. I thought it was great, and by watching it, I felt better about myself (go figure...). Even € had something to say on body image as of late.... So, maybe it's something we need to talk about. Or maybe it's something I need to talk about.

While there's a part of me that thinks, Oh, the women I'm friends with have high self esteem, and I don't know anyone like this.... I realize that I'm probably wrong. I have so many of my own self-doubts, and not all of them physical. Yet, I know that my mental self-doubts manifest themselves into thinking about how I should cut calories (I probably should... Just allow me my bacon!), and how I should be doing X, Y and Z exercise.

While I'm nowhere near crying about it, I look like a rectangle with boobs. There, I said it. And you know what, my boobs aren't really all that great either. Thanks to Victoria's Secret they look half-decent, but I know the TRUTH! Or maybe I just know my own version of the truth. I have short legs, too. Stubby, with thick thighs. I feel blessed without cellulite, but I know what's under there.


I know, self-deprecating. But it is how I feel. I am so close to regretting hitting send on this one - but, I'm just hoping I'm not the only one in here with self doubts. Or -- maybe I am wrong. Maybe the women of LoT are as confident as I believe them to be. But, I have a feeling, somewhere inside of me, that these beautiful, intelligent, most wonderful women I know are probably harboring feelings like this inside of themselves. I don't expect a response - but I just had to say it out loud for once.

I, Erica, am riddled with self doubt -- whether we're talking about beauty or intelligence, I have always felt I was lacking -- but maybe I've been wrong. Maybe I've been wrong all along.