All women - including we smart women
- have issues with their bodies, and worry about perceptions.
To be completely honest, (and since the OP is I feel compelled to follow) the really sh!tty thing about being thin is that when I try to talk to people about body issues, I feel as if I'm being discounted. "What's she got to worry about? She's just showing off, she's being a whiner, she's making me feel bad just mentioning it." I've seen the disgust on people's faces. I don't want to hurt people's feelings, so often I try to just stay out of such conversations, which sucks since I have the same issues as everyone else.
I have become far more comfortable with myself in recent years but I swear, every time I go jeans shopping I feel like a freak. Yes, even as I'm purchasing a size 4, I feel like sh!t because they're either way too long or way too short or are too tight in the thighs or pooch out the back. I just bought two more pairs that, after wearing them a few times, I realize don't fit very well. I've learned that all women have some sort of hell they have to go through to find the right jeans. It really does resonate in my head that my body is f'd up because nothing fits right. Maybe one day I'll make a day of it and find THE PERFECT JEANS and buy them forevermore.
Same goes for blouse shopping. There's nothing that will put a frown on my face like trying on a blouse that's my size but is cut for bigger breasts. I've actually had to reassure myself in that dressing room...."don't worry, we'll find something else, even though you love this color/fabric/etc." Diligence helps because it trains you to remember that these clothes are built for the other women, women who have their own issues. Perhaps the next girl that tries this on will squeal in delight as they've finally found their perfect blouse.
I still have times when I look in the mirror and don't like my breasts. I wear padded bras and it really does help my silhouette, but I don't think it does anything for my self-esteem (breast-esteem?). I take off the bra and glance in the mirror, and the word "teat" comes to mind. That's probably my worst and most bizarre body fear - that when I'm topless and I lean over my tits hang like teats.
I have a theory that one's breasts can never look good to oneself because your perspective looking down on them is always unflattering.
I must say, Erica, that you are a genuinely beautiful woman. We all have our quirks, and not every one in the world is beautiful to me, but in my honest and subjective opinion, you are beautiful. I do love your breasts, and I've seen them sans-bra.
I've often remarked that they were the best pair I saw that night...