[Disneyphile]

I honestly don't care about others' perceptions of my body if they think I'm too fat. However, I do find myself getting irked by people who say to me, "You're fat and beautiful! Be proud!"

I don't give a crap how I look. It's how I feel. And, for me it's more of a physiological feeling, which then affects my emotions, rather than the other way around.

Because of that, I do not like being fat. I can feel the strain on my joints. I get out of breath sometimes easily. I get too hot too easily. And, I often feel lazy and lethargic. Those feelings do affect me, because I get sad thinking about how I don't have the leg and joint strength to go rock climbing or surfing. I hate not being able to join in some things because of weight or size restrictions (which are there for obvious safety reasons, so I'm not about to call "discrimination"). I want to be more comfortable on an airplane. (I'm also not about to demand that they add more room - there really isn't room to add.) I want to hike uphill without getting winded. I'm sorry, but being winded, strained, and uncomfortable is not something I should be "proud" of.

I was very active at the gym last year, and developed great eating habits. Unfortunately, the last six months blew that all to hell, and I can FEEL it.

Thankfully, I've got my gym bag back together, my lost membership card being replaced, and a shiny new iPod armband to make carrying my music more convenient. I've even got that "me time" scheduled on my calendar once again, so it's blocked out.

The eating habits (small meals every couple hours) are going to take a few weeks getting used to again, but with the chaos finally settling, I can put the thought back into it until it becomes automatic once again.

I want me back, dammit.