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Ugh. High School.
I went to two high schools, in two states, and I felt a great deal of pressure to fit into not only with some preconceived notion of my parents' making, but also my own struggle to belong in two very different cultures.
My two years in NJ stunted my growth for years to come.
In MA, I was a member of the gay-straight alliance, I played two sports, held a chair in the drama club, had my own BBS, and I had a tattoo artist boyfriend. I was beginning to discover things like piercings, wearing too much black for effect, art, and a good number of other things which would later become staples of my interests and identity.
In New Jersey, I felt like a sqaure-egg, a fish out of water, a freak. Instead of having enough confidence to know I had a right to be myself, that I had worth, I tried to fit in to the culture while outwardly rejecting that culture. I was angry, had an "attitude", and a home-life worse than anyone could imagine. I stopped playing sports, didn't get along with the art or drama teachers- or Social Studies, as I got kicked out of that class, copped an attitude ( why I got kicked out of AP US history II), and found myself in with (but not to say friends with) a very strange group of misfits who I didn't much like. The more hateful I was on the outside, the more I hated myself on the inside.
I also grappled with my sexual orientation - keeping a toxic friendship that was essentially my first same-sex relationship.
By the time I got to college I was utterly confused about my sexuality, and I hated everything about myself. I thought I was a hideous monster, unfit for humanity.
How wrong I was, and I am repairing myself to this day.
All in all, high school sucked.
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