Quote:
Originally Posted by JWBear
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SzczerbiakManiac
It looks like it would be very funny, but I can hardly understand what he's saying.  |
Voila !!
I AM THE VERY MODEL OF A MODERN HOMOSEXUAL: I'M STYLISH, GOOD AT COOKING, A GOOD-LOOKING INTELLECTUAL! AT PASSING LEGISLATION, THOUGH, I'M LARGELY INEFFECTUAL ... I'M SOMETIMES INTO S&M, AS LONG AS IT'S CONSENSUAL! I'M CLEVER WITH THE CRUDITÉS, ESPECIALLY ASPARAGUS ... AND I IGNORE REPUBLICANS WHENEVER THEY DISPARAGE US! I THINK ABOUT ADOPTION WHEN I SHOP FOR BABY CARRIAGES ... WHILE PLANNING OUT MY BOSTON TRIP AND DREAMING OF GAY MARRIAGES! Chorus: WHILE PLANNING OUT HIS BOSTON TRIP AND DREAMING OF GAY MARRIAGES! WHILE PLANNING OUT HIS BOSTON TRIP AND DREAMING OF GAY MARRIAGES! WHILE PLANNING OUT HIS BOSTON TRIP AND DREAMING OF GAY MARY MARRIAGES! I DECORATE WITH TASTEFUL SPRAYS OF FLOWERS AND DRIED EARS OF CORN AND I WOULD NOT BE CAUGHT DEAD IN AN OUTFIT I'VE ALREADY WORN ... FOR ESOTERIC SEX ACTS THAT ARE HIGHLY UNCONVENTIONAL, I AM THE VERY MODEL OF A MODERN HOMOSEXUAL! 2nd Verse; I LOVE TO MAKE AN ENTRANCE AT A PARTY, SO I DASH IN LATE ... I'M JUST AN INTERNATIONAL MALE CALVIN KLEIN SALE FASHION PLATE! I'VE DONE SO MANY DRUGS THAT MY COMPLEXION'S IN AN ASHEN STATE ... BUT UNDERNEATH IT ALL, I REALLY TRY TO BE "COMPASSION-ATE"! I LOVE MY GIN & TONICS, HIGH COLONICS AND OLD PIAF SONGS ... I LOVE "THE WOMEN," "ALL ABOUT EVE" AND "THE WORLD OF SUZIE WONG"! MY LAST TRIP TO NEW YORK, I SHOPPED UNTIL I DROPPED AT BLOOMINGDALES ... FROM MENSWEAR DOWN TO FRAGRANCES, THEY NEVER HAD SUCH BOOMING SALES! Chorus: FROM MENSWEAR DOWN TO FRAGRANCES, THEY NEVER HAD SUCH BOOMING SALES! FROM MENSWEAR DOWN TO FRAGRANCES, THEY NEVER HAD SUCH BOOMING SALES! FROM MENSWEAR DOWN TO FRAGRANCES, THEY NEVER HAD SUCH BOOMING BOOMING SALES! WHEN I AM IN A GAY BAR, I KNOW I'M THE BIGGEST BITCH IN THERE ... AND I THROW DINNER PARTIES JUST TO SHOW OFF MY NEW KITCHENWARE! BUT STILL IN FASHION, FILM, FINE ART AND ANYTHING COLLECTIBLE, I AM THE VERY MODEL OF A MODERN HOMOSEXUAL! 3rd Verse: WHEN I CAN DIFFERENTIATE 'TWIXT "FABULOUS" AND "EXQUISITE" ... WHEN I SEE SOME ANDROGYNOUS CLUB KID AND KNOW WHICH SEX IS IT ... WHEN I KNOW EVERY DETAIL OF MISS MARTHA STEWART'S LIVING ROOM ... WHEN I KNOW HOW MUCH -- RETAIL -- EVERY WHAT EACH WHO IS GIVING WHOM! WHEN I HAVE LEARNED WHAT PROGRESS HAS BEEN MADE IN MODERN SODOMY ... WHEN I KNOW MORE OF BRAINLESS BOYS THAN DOCTORS OF LOBOTOMY ... IN SHORT, WITH JUST A SMATTERING OF GOOD COSMETIC SURGERY, I'LL SIDESTEP HOW UNFLATTERING I'D LOOK FROM "BINGE AND PERJURY"! Chorus: HE'LL SIDESTEP HOW UNFLATTERING HE'D LOOK FROM "BINGE AND PERJURY"! HE'LL SIDESTEP HOW UNFLATTERING HE'D LOOK FROM "BINGE AND PERJURY"! HE'LL SIDESTEP HOW UNFLATTERING HE'D LOOK FROM "BINGE AND PURGER PERJURY"! MY FANCY FOR THE NANCY DREW AND HARDY BOYS KIDS' MYSTERY BOOKS AND HOW I THROW A PARTY SURELY PUTS ME IN THE HISTORY BOOKS! BUT STILL AS A GOOD-LOOKING, GOOD-AT-COOKING INTELLECTUAL, I AM THE VERY MODEL OF A MODERN HOMOSEXUAL! Chorus: BUT STILL AS A GOOD-LOOKING, GOOD-AT-COOKING INTELLECTUAL, HE IS THE VERY MODEL OF A MODERN HOMOSEXUAL!
©1996. "Dirty Little Showtunes!" Tom Orr. All rights reserved.