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'It was 1972, while in service to this great nation of ours, that I first considered the possibility of reaching for the office of the Presidency. I was engaged in a recon mission in the backwoods of Alabama, and got lost. (The dude said the kegger was two klicks left of the old Smythe plantation- asshole was probably high). Wandering around the swampy, snake infested woods I began to panic, and in my despair I swore that I would give anything for just a drink, preferably Jack Daniels, with maybe little line of the white stuff to keep me sharp. Suddenly, the forest opened up, and I found myself standing at a crossroad. There in the center was Daddy's bud, Dick, holding a shotgun in one hand and some sort of document in the other.......
Well, I guess y'all know the rest.'
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