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Take control and be proactive:
"Hi guys, it's MIL's birthday next week, what's the plan" avoids last minute sh*t fights when you know an event is coming up. Mark 'em all up on a calendar, and don't count the number of events (as it might depress you).
Don't be railroaded:
"Sorry, that's too short a notice, we already have another commitment" for out-of-the blue events, and say it even if it's not true. This will train them into the correct etiquette (like toilet training). The minute you drop everything for them, you'll be back to square one.
Talk to your wife:
You can't implement either strategy without your wife's full co-operation. Without it, you'll be undermined and over-stressed. There will be TBB (tears before bedtime), and no man can survive that.
hugs,
The Stoat.
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