[Prudence]

Arg. I keep trying to deliberately sabotage myself. I think. Example: I'm filling out my own evaluation because my supervisor doesn't know how. And I really want to mark that I am not recommended for the regularly scheduled promotion because I honestly don't feel that I've really done anything here. Not that it's my fault - they refuse to allow me to move outside of my narrow little data entry box. But, I haven't really "grown" or learned much, so from an objective view I don't merit promotion. But, no one gives a **** except me. No one else in the universe will care that I sat in my cube and surfed because I literally had nothing else to do. As far as the culture here goes, it's strictly a butt-in-chair issue; my butt has been in the chair the required length of time, so I go up. And my supervisor will sign whatever I put in front of her - either way, since she won't read it. A reasonable person would probably check the promotion box and send the forms on their way. However, I am not a reasonable person. I'm a neurotic twit who feels that is dishonest and that I should remain at my current level because I haven't earned a promotion yet.

And that is just one of the many things on my mind today as I try to figure out what punishments I should accept/encourage and which ones are psycho-brain sabotage.

I really hate being me most of the time. It's exhausting. I need a nap.