[mousepod]

Here's a long one... have to split it into two posts...

The Bad-Rapping of the Marquis de Sade

Richard "Lord" Buckley, 1906-1960

I'd like to do one of the most unusual stories in storydom.
It's about a hero in evil.
A hero in evil called "The Bad-Rapping of the Marquis de Sade."

The Marquis de Sade, as you know, was a very royal French nobleman,
from a very wealthy family, that dug the chicks.
He like to ball from the early bright right around the clock and then make it some more.

When he said, "Marie, come here," and she didn't - Boom!
He didn't like no waitin' you understan what I mean?

He was a very interesting cat.

As a matter of fact there was one time when he was wanted everywhere
but he, brrrrt, snuck in anyway.

A real wild stud.

He was sixty-four years old when he swooped off this satellite
and he spent twenty-three years in the slammer,
and if that ain't bad-rappin' you hip me!

And he went to all odds and ends to prove his philosophy.

He said if you're cuttin' down a real crazy, wild, country road,
on a cool, pretty day, and the breeze is comin' on
and ricocheting the sweet perfume of the wild flowers of life,
and you feel a halleluyah call in your soul,
and you swing around the corner,
and there in front of the tree stands a pretty little chick
with a lattice petty-coat,
and you never dug her before in your LIFE,
and you walk right up to her and you say,

"Baby,
it's you and me,
behind the tree!"

And she say "No,"

SHE'S GOIN' AGAINST NATURE!

And any cat know you can't do that!

Now you take one look at my television face and you got to know
I didn't get all these miles on my puss in one lifetime.
You got to get hip to the fact that I'm a reincarnated cat!

And I knew The Mark real cool!

Mark was one of them cats like to en-joy, you understand.
He rent a small band and get five or six chicks and a few gallons of juice
and swing up a storm and the neighbors was gettin' green-eyed
and blow the whistle on the poor cat and

BAD RAP 'IM EVERY STEP OF THE WAY!

Now you take the case of Ella Louise Louise Louise.

This is case numer 4229, Book Five, Chapter Eleven.
She's that little chambermaid chick. It's in history.

Now he knew this chick was sufferin' from the gold shorts up front,
so he pressed a fin in her palm, said, "Baby, let's split up to my pad,
we'll suck up a little juice, and hear a little wax, and go a little crazy!"

She said, "Coo, coo!"

So she took his wing and, brrrt, they split toward the pad.

And got half way there and just HAPPENED to pass The Birch and Rod Store.

So The Mark said, "Scuze me a minute, Suger."

He swung in and picked up on twelve miniature-styled,
three-colored, silk-tassled, circus day, children's pony, buggy whips.

Put 'em under his wing, brrrrt, and made the pad and

THEY BAD-RAPPED THE POOR CAT EVER' STEP OF THE WAY!

Now why did he pick up on those twelve long, mean, thin ones!?!

He knew this chick was a square.

He knew she was an octagon head.

He knew she was not with the scene.

And he knew it was the WRONG thing to do
to put such a square chick up
against such a tight stud as he was
on the bed of high sensuous consequence
without alerting the chick a little bit and

THEY DONE BAD-RAPPED HIM EVERY STEP OF THE WAY!

I should like to give you, in hip, an example of the Marquis de Sade's sense of humor.
This is one of the stories of his humorous shots.

And there are a lot of times when you hear something wild,
something crazy, something insane,
and, you see, the humorous thing will reach such a high altitude
that you say to yourself, "Now that's, that's no longer funny."

But if it is humor and you proceed further
and instead of ending you negate under the license of humor,
you find out there's a whole new strata up there.

'Cause humor goes in a complete circle like the world.

Humor is the isle of the soul.

Here it is.

There were two chicks and two studs sittin' in the petty-coats of Paris
in a little gin joint, suckin' up a little juice
and cuttin' up the Marquis de Sade's last gang bang.

One cat said to the other, "Man that Mark is bad! He's a wild cat!"

He said, "Are you hippin' me? I'm hippin' you!"

He say, "What did you like in that last party?"

He say, "I dug the scene," he say, "Man, when them twelve naked chicks
jumped out of that giant fish bowl
and split up that cherry tree with that mad puppy dog!"

"Yeah, I never saw chicks jump so fast in all my born days."

Other cat say, "Yeah, I liked that one, but the one that really knocked me out,"
he say, "was the one of, uh, in the big cage there with the gorilla,
with the gorilla and the fine-tailed blonde.
And that little old fine-tailed blonde,
she dancin' a ring-a-ding-ding and a dong-dong-dong.

And the gorilla, he's sittin' over there and ain't makin' a move.
Ain't movin' a hair, see.

And the little fine-tailed blonde she ding-ding-ding and ignorin' the gorilla.

But the gorilla know the blonde know the gorilla in there!

And they cuttin' up and so on and so forth....

All of a sudden, BAM!

The door swung open and in stomped a stud about nine foot two,
built like a mortal anvil, great big cat with a face like a diamond hatchet,
with rings on all fingers and money pouring out of his pockets.

Looked like a cat with a steel rectum!

Come swingin' into the scene, and he shook these studs up so hard,
that he hit their subconscious button so strong
that they found themselves standing on their feet with a deep low bow,
and this cat joined them
and they never dug him before in their born days!

Turned out to be Prince Minski!

Prince Minski was a cat that been with it, he gave it away,
he took it back, he put it down, he picked it up,
he jumped it, he tumped it, he ripped it, he wrapped it,
he tapped it, he papped it, he rigged it, he gigged it,
he danged it, he donged it, he blanged it, he jumped around, he split it,

he made every mother scene there was to make!

And this cat is not spending his money!

He's comin' on like Vesuvius reachin' for Pompei!

He's BLOWIN' his gold!

And the number six busboy, been waitin' on the number two waiter
is pickin' up eleven-hundred-damn-two-ninety-six dollars a minute in short change,
so you KNOW the joint is jumpin'!