[SzczerbiakManiac]

Now THIS is a knife!
The Victorinox Swiss SwissChamp XAVT


These are all it's features (spoilered only for spacing reasons)

Spoiler:

• Large blade
• Small blade
• Corkscrew
• Can opener with
  small screwdriver 3 mm
• Bottle opener with
  large screwdriver 6 mm
  wirestripper
• Reamer
• Key ring
• Tweezers
• Toothpick
• Scissors
• Multi-purpose hook (also parcel carrier)
• Wood saw
• Fishscaler with
  hook disgorger
  ruler (cm & inches)
• Nail file with
  metal file
  nail cleaner
  metal saw
• Fine screwdriver 2 mm
• Chisel
• Pliers with
  wire cutters
  wire crimping tool
• Phillips screwdriver
• Magnifying Glass
• Ball point pen
  also to set DIP-Switches
• Pin
• Mini-screwdriver
• Sewing eye
• Case 1 and
• Wrench with
  5mm female Hex drive for D-SUB connectors
  4mm female Hex drive for the bits
  Bit Phillips 0 (Pozidrive)
  Bit Phillips 1 (Pozidrive)
  Bit Slotted 4 mm
  Bit Phillips 2
  Bit Hex 4 mm
  Bit Torx 8
  Bit Torx 10
  Bit Torx 15
• Case 2 and
• Wrench with
  5mm female Hex drive for D-SUB connectors
  4mm female Hex drive for the bits
  Bit Phillips 0 (Pozidrive)
  Bit Phillips 1 (Pozidrive)
  Bit Slotted 4 mm
  Bit Phillips 2
  Bit Hex 4 mm
  Bit Torx 8
  Bit Torx 10
  Bit Torx 15
• Large blade
• LED light white
• Magnifying Glass
• Multi-purpose hook with nailfile
• Reamer
• Pruning blade
• Electrician's blade with wire scraper
  wire scraper
• Pharmaceutical spatula
• Combination tool with cap lifter
  can opener
  screwdriver
  wire stripper
• Watch opener
• Fine screwdriver 2 mm
• Digital clock
• Altimeter
• Barometer
• Alarm
• Countdown
• Timer
• Thermometer

I think it also has a defibrillator, jumper cables, and will make dinner for the kids if you're running late.