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Then there's also the delineations of responsibility that are reached with no overt negotiation or even acknowledgment that it has been reached.
One of these came to light a little while back. Lani does not take out the garbage, I do. She'll keep stacking stuff in the garbage can until I take it out. I do not put a new garbage bag in the garbage can, she does. Once I have taken out the garbage I will just stack garbage on the counter next to the garbage can and when she puts in a new bag she gets to move it into the garbage can.
Then one day she's putting in the new bag and says "why do I always have to put in the new garbage bag? Why don't you do that?" I thought about it for a second and said "because you probably don't know where the dumpster is."
No more was said, and we're happy with our roles.
Then there's the marital version of "he who smelt it, dealt it" which goes "if you're the one who cares, you get to do it." This is why I do the laundry. This is why she gets the car washed.
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