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So I saw the movie and I was very offended by how it kept me in a bored and relentless stupor after the first 15 minutes. The only time I felt my heart accelerate after those first fifteen minutes was when I left the theater as fast as humanly possible without knocking down any Dakota Fanning look-a-likes in my desire to be away and not bored anymore.
Seamless, beautiful CGI, but the acting! The horrible acting!!!!! Wide-eyed eyes full of TEARS acting from everyone! And, my God, I loved Bob Roberts, Bull Durham and The Shawshank Redemption, so will someone please tell me when Tim Robbins lost his ability to act well, because I thought he was crap in Mystic River, as well. All he does these days is open his eyes wide and look insane. Good actor gone BAD. My favorite part was the abrupt ending. Oh, that made me smile and laugh, partially because it was campy and like the old movie I remember, and partly because I was just so GLAD my ordeal had ended.
Miranda Otto, YOU deserve better. WHAT were you thinking? Working with Spielberg could NOT have been worth it. For shame, Miranda. FOR SHAME!
To the young beautiful gentleman playing Tom Cruise's son, SHUT YOU PIE HOLE AND JUST STAND THERE LOOKING BEAUTIFUL. "I have to see. Let me go. I have to see." See WHAT? Fiery Napalm Death Part Deaux? A Machine As It Stomps Your Stupid Face Dead? Then again, Cutie Pie, I'm with you. If *I* were stuck in a craptacularly boring spectacle, I too would be begging to leave, "I have to see a better movie. Please, I can go see Howl's Moving Castle again, even if it was a poor adaptation of a wonderful novel. Please. Anything....but this....Let me go."
Also:
Dear Tom Cruise,
Stop wearing your teenager's jeans. Or maybe those belonged to Katie.
Love,
Audra, who still loves you in Magnolia, no matter HOW insano you've become.
Pluses?
I did get to see the trailers for Elizabethtown and, even better, King Kong, which looks awesome.
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