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I say go with your gut. If you feel under-dressy, you'll be under-dressy just because that's how you feel, even if you're totally fine.
Most weddings I've been to are attended by a mixture of people wearing casual pretty and ridiculously dressy. I mean, ball gown dressy at a wedding that isn't listed as black tie. I've worn conservative looking grey frocks and a very lively multi-colored dress with bare arms. The only rule I know is "don't wear white". Heh.
I've seen no difference in the way people dress at east coast vs west coast weddings. Most people blend in, some people should have set aside their flip flops and some shouldn't have tried to compete with the bride. And I've seen lovely strapless and no-sleeve dresses/tops that looked great and were not at all a problem.
Everyone is looking at the wedding party folk, anyway. I say wear what you think is flattering, comfortable, and stylish.
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