Hahahah these two are gems:
Man denies cocaine found in buttocks are his. (Love the comment: now I know why they call it crack cocaine!)
and also
Woman throws dog feces to slow down driver
__________________
And they say back then our universe
Was a coal black egg
Until the god inside
Burst out and from its shattered shell
He made what became the world we know
~ Bjork (Cosmogony)
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