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I don't know the how.
The title "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff--And It's All Small Stuff" is an easy cliche but, without ever having read the book, it well captures how I've viewed the world since about age 12 when my anger issues just stopped all their own (and I had significant anger issues).
Though one thing that I think does help is accepting that just because I care strongly about some issue doesn't create any obligation in other people to care strongly about it. So if I'm the one who cares most about something (whether the kitchen is clean, what to do on the weekend, how to handle decision making processes at work) then it falls to me to do something about it. And if I don't then I'm probably wrong about how much I actually care.
So this doesn't so much help me with self-anger but does keep me from really ever getting very angry with other people.
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