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Originally Posted by €uroMeinke
The only sugestion I would make id to break up the piece into seperate stanzas beginning with the "oh Lonely" refrain, if nothing else to make it more readable and better call out the repetition as unifies the piece.
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I thought of that, but it's a formula I've used frequently in the past and I wanted to try to break out of that. Plus, when I see separate groups of lines (what the heck are those called?) I tend to read them as separate paragraphs, and that wasn't necessarily how I heard it in my head.
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Originally Posted by Euro
My other suggestion would be to write and share more, the more you do the more you'll know what works and what doesn't.
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You're absolutely right. When I was forced to write more I was much better at it. I'm quite rusty by now. Thanks for the ideas!