Crap.
I'm an idiot, and I'm sorry.
I think iSm is doing a better job conveying what I couldn't. I consider Disneyland partly a show, and I have not problem with them hiring people that fit the "roles". That said, no matter how appealing the tour guide is, she better have the knowledge to do her job well.
My "flame" line was poorly worded and looking at it now I realize that it didn't not convey the joking attitude I meant it to.
Sorry to everyone!