[flippyshark]

In addition to my usual jobs (fake scientist representing Kodak, tour guide on The Great Movie Ride and the Backlot Tour) I spent a good chunk of the last couple of weeks at a third job - Santa!

I was called by a friend who handles freelance actors for local resorts. She needed an emergency fill-in Santa for the enormous Gaylord Palms mega-resort. I got her call on Friday night and was sitting on the big red-velvet-covered Santa throne the very next day.

The Gaylord Palms is an impressive resort, located just across I-4 from Walt Disney World. It features a huge indoor atrium with several Florida-themed areas; Everglades, Key West, St. Augustine, among others. There are shops and restaurants, live alligators, waterfalls, a spanish fortress, and soon, a miniature golf course. For the holidays, they set up a huge ice sculpture village in their convention center. ($30 just to go see it, though.) The convention hall is kept at 9 degrees, which means that, even walking by the OUTSIDE of the building, you get a chill. Not kidding!

In the central atrium, they have a large stage set up for hourly Christmas shows, complete with singing elves, tree-lighting ceremonies, the works. My Santa throne was located at the top of a staircase above the stage, below a forty foot tall christmas tree. Pretty impressive, as it should be, seeing as resort guests are paying $200-$600 bucks a night to be there.

I was well compensated for my time there, and I enjoyed playing the role for a couple of weeks, though I might have gone a little crazy if I had done it much longer. It takes some energy to stay jolly, warm and brimful of Christmas spirit for nine hours a day.

When I first stepped out into the public area in costume, I was an instant celebrity. Kids came running, adults smiled and told me they had been good all year, people wanted my autograph. It was kind of like being a rock star, without all the sex and drugs.

It was also a trip to have people paying big bucks to buy pictures of me, albeit with their kids. The photographers worked for a third party vendor called Freeze Frame. They were nice, but too frequently, they had technical problems, and several upset parents lost pictures or had to do numerous retakes. The parents took all of their frustrations out on the camera crew, but, as Santa, I was golden. Everyone treated me like I really was keeping a list. (A few adult guests sat on Santa's lap and made passes.)

Strangest encounter: On my first day, the resort was hosting a big American Idol style audition for singers and models. There were hundreds of wannabes all over the place. Some of them came up to see Santa. Sometime after lunch, I was visited by two young girls, I'm guessing they were fifteen or so. They were very obviously in the model competition. They walked up and smiled, and I asked the first one what she wanted for Christmas. She bashfully pointed to the other girl and coyly said,"Her," then blushed.

I really didn't know how to respond to that one. I indicated the other girl and said, "Well, there she is." I then turned to the second girl and said,"And what do you want?" and she gave the same reply, then they both blushed and laughed. I have no idea if they were seriously sapphic or if they had just decided it would be funny to tell Santa they were lesbians. In any case, they both sat on my lap and had their picture taken, and they bought several.

This would have been enough, but then, about two hours later, another pair of girls, also obviously model auditioners, came up and did the exact same thing! The conversation was slightly different this time.

"So, what do you want for Christmas?"

"Her." (blush, laugh)

"Hmmm. I'm not sure if my elves know how to make that."

I don't know that it was a perfect comeback, but it was an improvement on my previous reply. Anyway, they too bought lots of copies. Yeesh.

Other memorable things told to Santa:

Sad-faced little girl - "I want a puppy. My dog died."

"I want a snake. A real snake."

"I want a pony, and no, I do NOT mean a toy pony, I mean a real live pony!"

"I haven't been all that good, so you don't have to bring me anything."

"I want one of the sleigh bells off your sleigh." (This was from a three year old.)

One of my favorites, from a two year old:
"I want a square."

There were lots of others, of course, but this post is long enough for now. Have the best holiday ever, everyone!

Flippyshark