[mousepod]

Y'know, I have to admit that, as a Jew, I've always found myself identifying with Catholic guilt - so I can appreciate where you're coming from. My own religious self-identification has been very fluid through the years. My Dad's father was a Conservative (leaning toward Orthodox) cantor, and my Mom was a card-carrying atheist in high school, so I was brought up with the culture attached to my Jewishness while being given the freedom to explore my own understanding of Judaism. I found that there are things that I both appreciate and despise about the religion, and I'm fascinated mostly with Reconstructionist Judaism, though I'm not at all observant. I also dug Allen Ginsberg contention that all Jews were basically Buddhist.

I guess what intrigues me about your predicament is that you seem like you want to reconcile your self with someone else's dogmatic beliefs. Martin Luther had a rough time with the Catholic Church too, IIRC.

My advice to you would be to take a good look at yourself and figure out what you really believe in. If there are others who share your beliefs, great - then you have a support group (or church, if you will). If not, start your own. Just remember, be flexible and don't force yourself into your own (or anyone else's) dogma. As you get older and wiser, your view on the Universe is bound to change - and you should never beat yourself up for growing.

My prayers (as it were) are with you.