I must say, bewitched, that your post totally hit a homerun for me. Lots of lights going on in my head as I read it.
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Originally Posted by bewitched
The yearly ritual, in which little changes, takes me back to a time when worries were few, when Santa was bringing presents the next day and when all was right with my world. Going to the services now obviously does not mean I want to go back (or for that matter that I have any interest in embracing religion), only that for a short time I can remember the magic of childhood.
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Yes. Absolutely. I have never really thought of it in this way, but there are many comforting memories that I have of sitting at Midnight Mass feeling completely happy. The family is all together, we dressed up, there are decorations all over the place, there are songs to sing, there are presents to open after we get home...
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Originally Posted by bewitched
Not because of the religion, but because I know that it is a place where so many have come looking for answers to their pain. I think you mentioned being an "old soul", I kind of view churches in the same light.
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When I was younger, I found comfort in sitting in the old churches. The cathedrals and such in my home state and the missions in California. I was always turned off by the churches that were converted cafeterias etc. Recently, Notre Dame in Paris blew me away. Depsite all of the tourists, I found it comforting. The same with Westminster Abbey in London. I'd love to visit the Sistine Chapel someday.
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Originally Posted by bewitched
I strikes me that what you are looking for is not religion (or Catholicism itself) but a comfortable answer for many things in your life. And it may be that there are no comfortable answers. And it may also be that many of your memories from when you were safe, cocooned and loved are tied to the Catholic church, and church ritual; to feel that again would make things right in your world.
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Absolutely. I know there is no such thing as an easy answer to any question. But seeing how people are so comforted and put at ease by what I condsider to be the black and white world of religion makes me envious at times. But that easy answer environment is not for me. I feel like I live in a world where I'm not part of any majority group whatsoever. I'm not religious, I'm not straight, I'm not white, I'm not rich, I don't shop at Wal*Mart, I don't watch TV, I don't agree with the current Administration, etc. Sometimes I wish I was 'just like everybody else' and didn't have to feel like I have to watch my back. But I know that is fantasy. Maybe that dream (of being a rich white guy with a wife and three kids on a hammock in the backyard of the house I own with the dog and the cat) is total crapola, but sometimes I wish it were just easier for me in this country. But I also think, 'Who wants to be like everyone else?' My mind's a hurricane sometimes.
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Originally Posted by bewitched
None of us meet the "ideal" (okay, I come damn close, but I digress  ) so maybe go sit in church, listen to yourself and find out what and where your faith is. And if the Catholic church is where you find it, put your faith there, and don't let anyone tell you that it doesn't fit. |
Reclaiming my faith in faith. It can be done. I'm not sure if it's at the Catholic Church or not, but I'm hoping I'll find it.
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Originally Posted by bewitched
I don't know if I am making sense to you, or even if I am close to the mark.
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You made complete sense in your post. I am grateful that you have put your voice into this thread. You're eloquent and hit a lot of bullseyes with me.
Thank you.