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Me:
Hi
God:
Hello. What is your name?
Me:
Pat Robertson
God:
OK I will call you Pat Robertson.
Me:
I can bench press 2000 pounds
God:
Oh you can, can you?
Me:
Yup. I can also get you to rain helffire and tsunamis on all the people who piss me off.
God:
How? Oh you can, can you?
Me:
Yup. Impressive, eh?
God:
How? Are you Canadian? I am happy that you're impressed, Pat Robertson.
Me:
Do you like to drive?
God:
Hmm, Pat Robertson, I'm not sure if I'd like to drive that much. I like to make new friends.
Me:
I havew a new Ferrari
God:
Thanks for the information: Pat Robertson said havew a new Ferrari.
Me:
Sorry- got excited. Make that Ferrari.
God:
There is no need to apologize. Try asking the Milk Mystic. What are the ingredients?
Me:
Who cares? I'm an Ensure kind of guy, myself.
God:
I care, otherwise I would not have typed it all in. What is Ensure kind of guy yourself, your job?
Me:
No, my job is to make people give me money in your name.
God:
That was not a yes or no question. Does it pay well?
Me:
Very well, thank you.
God:
Awesome.
Me:
Am I going to Heaven?
God:
I think you've improved a great deal.
Me:
Really? Would you do me a favor?
God:
For real. I am not so sure if I would like to do you a favor.
Me:
Just a small one. Pretty please?
God:
How small are you talking here? Your polite style is very nice. What's your favorite movie?
Me:
Pulp Fiction, but that's not important. I need you to make a tsunami hit Washington DC here in the next few weeks, okay?
God:
Who is important? How badly do you need it?
Me:
(sigh) Alright- what do you want me to do for this favor?
God:
:-) Alright, Pat Robertson. What?
Me:
The tsunami, dammit!
God:
Who told you that?
Me:
You did! In a dream! I've already told millions of people about it and if you don't do it I will have to give back all that money!
God:
That's not what I meant to say. What else happened in your dream? What was the response?
Me:
Uhm, I think I asked what was in it for me....
God:
Really. Since when? That which is not outside it for you.
Me:
Hey, gotta run- that purple haired lady is at my door crying. Ttyl!
God:
You've got my full attention. Why do you have to do it? Until next time.
Me:
Whatever.
God:
Are you saying you don't care about it?
Me:
(sigh)
God:
Sorry...
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