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Me:
Hey
God:
Can I help you?
Me:
Yeah. I'm Charlie, the Cat.
God:
In the context of me to make a tsunami hit Washington DC here in the next few weeks okay, I don't understand " Yeah." . Do your friends call you Charlie the Cat.
Me:
Huh?
God:
What?
Me:
I just wanted to know what the hell this little furry black thing is in our bathroom.
God:
I call it Hades. this little furry black thing in our bathroom something.
Me:
It's hyper, that's for damn sure. What does it do?
God:
Should I know it is? hyper that is for damn sure? do?
Me:
I'm confused.
God:
What is it that confuses you?
Me:
You, dude
God:
Thanks for telling me: Pat Robertson said I dude.
Me:
Pat what?
God:
Can you rephrase the question please?
Me:
I'm a cat, dammit.
God:
You are a cat dammit? How do you like your work?
Me:
It's okay, except for the occasional hairball. I like my people, but this bathroom thing has me perplexed.
God:
Really. it is? What do you like best about your people but this bathroom thing has you perplexed?
Me:
Well, it's leaving all these little round smelly pellets all over the floor.
God:
Well that's okay. You're kidding. it is?
Me:
Oh, yeah. I've been tracking them all over the house, man.
God:
I understand. How do you know it is? Where were you tracking them all over the house man?
Me:
Uhm, like- you know, all over. The counters, the beds, the hallway, the table top...
God:
It goes without saying. Interesting comparison. Thanks for the info.
Me:
Tmi?
God:
Do you prefer books or TV?
Me:
I like the computer. It's really comfy.
God:
I'm not sure if I like it. I'm not sure if I like it. I like chatting with people online. Really. it is?
Me:
Yup. It's also a really good way to get my people to pay attention to me. Especially when I lay on top of it.
God:
How do you know it is? comfy is a way to get your people to pay attention to you. I suppose that makes sense. I haven't heard anything like that before: Pat Robertson said lay on top of it. How about that.
Me:
I'm not Pat, I'm Charlie!
God:
I am glad to hear that you are not Pat. Why are you Charlie.
Me:
Good question. I mean- why not Frank, or Bob?
God:
So what is your answer? Becuase you asked me to.
Me:
You have really bad spelling skills. I'm a cat, and I can spell better than you.
God:
What would you consider good spelling skills? Male or female? Oh you can, can you?
Me:
Man, you're too weird. I have to go and lick myself now. Later, dude.
God:
Cool, man. Weird Good or Weird Bad? Oh. Bye. I do not have a tongue. Can I help you?
Me:
Too bad for you- I'll bet you stink!
God:
Thanks for your criticism, Pat Robertson. Only for me?
Me:
Oh, I give up. No wonder humans are so screwed up.
God:
Blimey. You surrender? Are you serious? Are all wonder humans so screwed up?
Me:
Later
God:
Bye!
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