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Originally Posted by tracilicious
I'm not necessarily referring to yourself.
If your goal is to have a well grounded moral compass those methods are useless, as the nature of punishment is to teach self-centeredness.
My kids are little though, so what do I know.  |
Oh - I understand that. I'm taking no offense - just sharing my philosophy. As there are many different types of parents and many different types of children, there are (and must be) many different types of parenting. Age appropriateness, personality of the child, etc.
I'm not sure I follow this - "the nature of punishment is to teach self-centeredness." How is that so? The nature of punishment is to teach that choices have consequences. With my four year old, we let her know what the consequences will be so it is a clear choice for her. With my 12 year old, she knows that making a choice to do certain things will result in anything from a mild no internet access for a few days to an all out grounding and she doesn't need to be presented with those things before hand.
While natural consequences are fine, when danger is involved, I insert other forms instead. For example, a couple of days ago I was on my elliptical, from which I can see into the room my kids typically are playing in. My 12 and 4 were doing gymnastic type stunts. At one point, my 12 did something with the 4 she was not strong enough to do, nor did my 4 have the balance to do. My 4 fell pretty hard, narrowly missing the corner of a bookshlef with her face. I got off the elliptical and went to make sure everyone was OK, and informed them that if I ever saw them doing it again, the 4 would be spanked (yes, I spank, but only when the child knows spanking will be a consequence of a certain choice, and it never leaves a mark. To the kid, it is just the thought that they have been spanked that is the killer to them.) and the 12 year old would have a week in her room. Natural consequences in that case are not acceptable. I don't want my kid to have 30 stitches on her face to learn a lesson that certain things aren't OK to do.
Wow - that was a diatribe. Carry on now.