Sorry for the re-rail, but I'm completely heartbroken over Pirates. I finally got to go on it last night,
and finally read this thread.
I don't want to use spoiler tags, so take this as your warning.
I entered the Park just after 6 pm. The plan was to ride Pirates and eat at Cafe Orleans because my SoCal pass turned into a pumpkin the next day. The evening started out okay enough. First thing was to get a fastpass for Space Mountain - 10:55-11:55, perfect. Then I had dinner at the new Cafe Orleans, which I enjoyed. Hideously slow service - and they ran out of ice. Took about 20 minutes after seating to get an iced tea. Note to Lisa: I'm jealous of a certain bulldog named Lulu. The food was good, the presentation was beautiful. The bonus was that the cutest boy in Disneyland came over and talked to me for about 20 minutes after I mentioned that I'd seen him hosting at the Blue Bayou. I gave him my card, I hope he calls.
I got in line for Pirates. Maybe a half-hour. Fantasmic was beginning as we entered the building. Having seen the picures from the LoT attempted boat sinking, I knew that they'd overloaded our boat. Sure enough, we got stuck at the first drop. 10 minutes of the Jolly Roger is quite enough for me. But, I'm thinking, I really like the new drapes they've given him, this bodes well. Eventually they turn on the lights and come shove us over the drop. Wasn't Tyler the guy that had to push the LoT boat too? Maybe this is his specialty, fat people boat pusher. So we make it down the second drop with no problem and I'm hearing new music. Interesting, kind of gives the island a more somber mood.
Interesting.
I love the new thunder and lightning effects in the storm vignette, gorgeous. For the NEXT 30 MINUTES! The ride was completely backed up. Announcements eventually came reminding us to remain seated blah blah blah. When did they drop the usage of "host or hostess" and switch to "cast member"? At some point they finally turned off the sound. Another ten minutes of sitting in a boat. By this time we had a couple of cast members standing off to our left waiting to help us evacuate the attraction. Well, I've never been walked off a ride before, so this seems like fun. Fun like the Bataan death march. I don't think they could have done this slower. Handed out front-of-line passes for any ride but pirates. At 10:45, I'd call this a somewhat empty gesture.
I take a walk over to Mansion, and, guess what, its closed! The ride may be open in 5 minutes, maybe 10, maybe a half-hour, we don't know. No, its not related to Pirates.
Phooey.
I take a walk around the Park. The new cement work in Tomorrowland looks right out of an industrial park. The future is poured concrete.
My entire goal for tonight, now, is to ride Pirates. I decide to go wait outside the ride on the chance that they re-open. What can I lose? Well, as soon as the second performance of Fantasmic ends, they open the ropes. Suddenly its a Rage Against the Machine concert. I'm buying myself a poking stick, "This is how far away from me you have to stand, poke-poke." 5 minutes of line, onto another clearly overloaded boat, and awaaay we go. This time I see the shooting star and notice that they've added a phrase of "Yo Ho" to the banjo picking. Sweet. First drop, guess what? Yessireebob, we get to wait for the lights to come on and CMs to push us over the drop. This time I notice that no pirates are singing, after the first drop the music is entirely instrumental. After the second drop, I get to hear the moody island music again - still interesting. In a suicidal way. This time we get all the way past the Treasure Cave and through Davey Jones (wasn't he the cute Monkee?) and into the Battle scene. Love the set dressing in the vignettes, not sold on Davey Jones, completely not sold on the change in dialogue. Battle scene, how can I describe it? The Geoffrey Rush AA looks like it had a stroke. The cannon effects are impressive.
The music.
The music sucks. The sucking music is the real first indication that I'm not liking this re-do at all. Ths scene does not need music, sucking or otherwise. The boat gets stuck at the exit of the Battle scene, ensuring that I get to listen to the sucking music for the next ten minutes.
The boat is facing the Dunking scene, which I can see, but not really hear. From here, I can see the first Captain Jack, and the animatronic is impressive.
At about ten minutes in, they shut off the sound, and cycle us through the rest of the ride with the sound off. The sound comes on for the Jail Scene.
Did I mention that on this ride-through my seatmate was a brand-spankin' new CM who was eager to tell me all the things I was about to see, the changes that had been made, and counted down "3-2-1, IMPACT!" everytime another boat bumped us?
WTF is that last Captain Jack scene? Anyone know? A slightly off-key, slow, moody version of "Yo Ho" is not the way to end the ride. Show biz rule number one: Give 'em a big finish, and they'll forgive almost anything. This show ends with a mortally wounded whimper.
Okay, as we're floating up to the unload dock we see people lined up outside the closed attraction. Clearly they're about to let people in. An effort was made to clear those of us exiting out of the building, but I stood my ground. In 10 minutes my AP won't be good until August, I'm going on this damn thing again. Fortunately my outside voice was on its best behavior.
Reload, "NO ONE IN ROWS 1 OR 6," they're finally getting a clue, and we're off. A row to my fat-a$$ self, how luxurious. The drops occur without incident, I don't like no pirates singing, I'm beginning to dislike the Moody Island Music, I'm hating the change in dialogue and mood in the tunnel, the sucky music in the Battle scene is now making me very sad. The town scenes look great, the Captain Jack animatronics are fine, thanks very much for restoring the impending rape scene, and then we're back to Downer Jack at the lift hill. I hate Downer Jack.
I exit the ride at 11:58, Space Mountain FP still in my wallet, and walk into Mansion as the closing spiel is playing. Hey, the ghost horse is back!
They've ruined Pirates. Iconic dialogue has been removed throughout the attraction, the theme doesn't get sung until after the Auction scene, the new music is heavy and morose, and, as the ride ends, Downer Jack is there to underscore the fact that, for whatever reason, they've decided to suck the fun out of the ride. Pirates has always been the heart and soul of Disneyland for me, I'm starting to wonder if its time for this 43 year old adult to get a new hobby.
