Auuuuggggghhhh! I'm so frustrated! I tried so hard to like this movie!
Thar be spoilers ahead - I'm not using tags here.
Let's start with the good. I enjoyed much of it...
The entire cannibals sequence was wonderful. (minus the dog, sooooo stupid to have him there, though he is adorable). I loved the Time Bandits-esque escape from dangling balls, then the ensuing hamster ball adventure, and Sparrow's shish-kebab perils.
The Curse of the Wedding Gown was funny. I think the last couple of mentions could have been taken out but before then it was pretty hilarious.
Blue Bayou looked great and fit well into the story. I dug the voodoo chick too.
I thought Davy Jones was plenty menacing and adored his squidy head. Also loved his crew. Creepy and gorgeous.
Unlike the huge problems of character (more later) I really liked what they did with Norrington. They went a tad over the top with his humiliation but the rest of it was great.
Dug the three way fight scene, including the waterwheel. Loved the Kraken, definitely some awesome 20,000 Leagues action there. (Uber - you're right on timing - but you wouldn't want to see 20 minutes of other boats being taken by the Kraken.) Loved nearly all of the action and visual stuff, actually.
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Now for the frustrating badness that ruined this movie for me.
Funny how you guys say it had no plot - this struck me as having nothing but plot. I felt like I was being read to. "Now this happens, now they go here, now they learn this, now they go here." On and on and completely lacking a feeling of fun and adventure as it went. Exact opposite of how the first movie felt.
So many repeat gags from the first movie. It seems funny to say having just seen Superman Returns, which contains so many references to the older movies, but in Pirates this tactic was done very poorly. They had little to do with what was happening and were tossed in as so much elbowing reminders of the first film (which did all of this way better).
The ride references were also crappy (other than BB). Why did we see someone being dunked in a well? You see it for a split second and it's like, WTF? They beat the jail scene to death - in the first it was homaged perfectly, so why bring it up again (and again and again)? There are so many other scenes in the ride that could be used. This movie had much less to do with the ride. It has nothing to do with the new overlay, that's sure, which makes the overlay look even worse.
Someone said above that much of the enjoyment was due to their love of the characters, and that's definitely true for Sparrow's antics...but much of my pain was due to my love of the characters.
Will Turner bored me to death. Bored! He was the fiery passion of the first film. Everyone in the audience fell in love with him. But here...eh. I was so sad. There was barely a moment where I felt for him at all.
Euro mentioned Bootstrap's problems. In the first he was a shining beacon - tried to keep his son out of piracy, was the only pirate who felt bad about mutiny - but here he's an slug and an idiot. When I thought of them putting Bootstrap in the second movie, I envisioned a strong, kick-ass character. Total letdown.
I did enjoy the usual Sparrow sillyness but I couldn't BELIEVE what they did to his character. Yes, he was somewhat a chicken in the first, but here he was a cold-blooded coward. A pirate may be willing to do a lot to save his own skin, but are you kidding me? One HUNDRED people would be put into one hundred years of servitude to the devil, just so he could escape what he deserved! And this was after he gave Davy Jones Will Turner. Just handed him over. I was horrified. This was not your average fun piratey escapade. This was fcked up! And his first mate helps him recruit souls??
And lastly, Barbossa, as well as the "death" of Jack. Look, if no one can die, then what's the bloody point? Once you kill someone and bring them back to life, no problem, then the whole adventure aspect is what dies. I don't WANT Barbossa back because Jack KILLED him. Why pull the trigger on Jack if he's not actually dead? What does it even mean? Awful, awful.
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I summed it up to myself at the end of the movie. At the end of "Black Pearl", I was breathless, I was cheering, and I wanted to see it again, immediately. Definitely not so with this one. As NA said afterwards, "there are parts I want to see again but I don't want to sit through the other stuff."
I am sad.
