[Prudence]

Thanks all. I should be busy feeling all supportive and I'm consumed with guilt. *I* was the wild child who made bad, dangerous choices and he's always been the good, upstanding citizen. Never caused worry, always did the right thing. Hell, forestry only barely squeaked out over ministry. It's not fair that this is happening to him. I'm the one that deserves it. And I can't protect him and I can't make him better and I can't take it away and it's not fair and I just want to scream at my God for letting this happen to him.

I won't know any details for awhile. He's leaving early tomorrow to spend a week with the in-laws in a cabin in Montana. He just got back from a mega hiking trip through Utah. We just saw the photos Sunday - all these places they hiked to, the warning signs indicated certain death, hearing about him leaning over cliffs to take photos while my sister-in-law held one to his belt - all these conquests. And these two trips might be the last ones he takes.

I know he's probably not dying, and certainly it could be worse. But it makes me so angry. I'm rambling and it's hard to type.

So - I won't know anything for awhile. It's a week until he gets back and then he has to arrange to see a specialist. I don't know how quickly he'll be seen - I don't have many details yet (he didn't want to talk, so I heard everything from my Dad, the master of omission; Mom was probably too upset to talk). I don't know anything about his care at the moment. I still have my connections in the nursing school, so I'll have whoever he seeing checked out.