[AllyOops!]

Pru~

I'll be praying & praying and sending every positive thought your way! Prayer & hope is what always carries me through life's darkest moments. That, and of course, the love and support of friends & family, and you certainly have that here!!

I, too, have been consumed by the very same thoughts you are having! All I can tell you is "don't go there!". Once you are in the dark & guilty abyss, getting out is very tough. Please don't go into punishing yourself! Think of it this way- I've gone there for you already- it's dark and bad so now you never have to go! I'll keep you from it!

When I lost my best friend & my boyfriend, I used to always, always question why I got left behind. They were talented, smart, full of life, fun and everything that should encompass a human being. I've made more mistakes then I care to count. My best friend was my voice of reason. I finally had to tell myself that I will never know the reason until it's my turn to go. Knowing that there isn't an answer here on earth helped me. Even if there was an answer, it would never be one I'd ever undertand, you know?

When my Mom, Stepmom (who I refer to as my sister because we're so close in age) and both of my Grandfathers were diagnosed with cancer, I used to always imagine this invisible tube. They could run it from their body to mine, and the cancer would pour from them into me. Not that I ever wish to have cancer, mind you, but I wanted to be able to take their pain away, and if someone had to have it, it should be me!

When I told my Mom that, it crushed her. She told me, "I would NEVER have wanted you to have it".

Please know you have all the support & love in the world here. You have an abundance from me as well! Maybe we can talk later, okay?

Love & {{{HUGS}}}}

~A