[Cadaverous Pallor]

Here's my movie musing of the moment: I'm going to see Clerks 2.

I'm going to see Clerks 2, and it will suck. It will be a sucktastic suckfest. I know this for a fact, without having read any spoilers or looked at Kevin Smith's blog. Trust me, I know.

So why see it? We have to see it. We've been Kevin Smith fans since seeing Clerks on VHS and have seen all of his movies. Ok, maybe we didn't see Jersey Girl. Yeah, did not go to that. But we did actually rent Vulgar, which no one should have to do. We did it because we loved Kevin Smith.

Thing is, he's lost it. Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back was a broken promise. After he did Dogma he had said he was done with the "Jersey Trilogy", which already wasn't a trilogy at all. He had said he was putting Jay and Silent Bob away forever. Then, he pulled them out in Strike Back, and it was somewhat funny but mostly embarrassing. I mean, when you've shot your wad you've shot your wad, and having the Mark Hamill battle you with a lightsaber is far beyond short-scorching for Fan Boy Made Cash.

Why the loyalty? Why the bond? Who cares if he throws in another Rick Derris reference? Will you really laugh because the number 37 has been mentioned...again? Will you be able to forget that he exalted Lucas for Episode III and raised your expectations from nothing just so they could be even more shattered?

I see it all too well. Less funny than Strike Back. More embarrassing. Ten bucks (make it twenty, I've got a date) down the toilet and Citizen Kane remains unwatched in a Netflix envelope.

Even though it's all crystal clear, I'm going to do it. I'll feel odd if I don't. Loyalty manifests in such bizarre ways.