brat

[Cadaverous Pallor]

When I was young
and I mean young like 4 years old young
my mom would point out the other kids at the supermarket
the ones that would scream for treats or annoy their parents without pause
pulling on clothes and pointing and repeating
stomping and crying and getting what they wanted
and my mom would shake her head
and tell me I was good
and I felt strong and wise in comparison to those
snotty nosed tormentors

"I am not a brat."

Looking back, it's easy to see
that brats come in many configurations
and that I was most defnitely a brat
just a different one

I never cleaned my room nor made my bed
my parents didn't expect it
getting me to do chores was like pulling teeth
there was plenty of yelling and throwing of things
much of our time was spent in arguments
some of my most vivid memories include fury
on both sides

Yet I was always polite in public
never swore in front of grandma
never demanded large gifts
was always aware of money problems
made do with hand-me-downs
I felt strong and wise in comparison to those
in double laced LA Gear and expensive perms

"I am not a brat."

I'm reminded of my brattiness every day of my life.
Whenever I decide to not take out the trash
or put off vacuuming
or read a message board instead of working

I'm reminded when I complain about my jobs
whining about my hours
when the truth is that I'm a lucky one
with a rewarding way to spend my day
and an average amount of free time

yet I still take more breaks than I deserve
give less than my best
make sure I do no more than the next guy
pay less and less attention as years go by

it's hard for me to think it
I'm still that proud child, acknowledging an advantage
still wish I were strong and wise in comparison to those
other schlubs that drag through their dreary days
but my light burden feels heavy
my simple errands go undone
and I sigh and drag my feet and bitch
as if I have any right

I am a brat, always have been, and now I know it.