You People

[Eliza Hodgkins 1812]

What is WRONG with You People?

Yes, you know who I’m talking about: The You People. The Those People!

The People who do things which you find unfathomable? Their behavior defies logic. There is no need for them to do as they do but for the sake of rudeness, perhaps.

For instance:

When I ride the bus, and there’s an empty seat by the window, I take the window seat. It’s not because I want to stare out the window and enjoy the scenery, though sometimes that’s nice. I chose the window seat so that the seat next to me is free, and someone can easily plop down beside me without having to pass over me. You see, if you take the aisle seat (usually so you can make a hasty exit), next to an empty window seat, there’s no way to get to the window seat unless you scoot past the person seated in an aisle, or they politely stand up to let you pass. And here’s my issue: What is WRONG with you people who do not stand up to let someone pass, whether it’s to get to the seat next to you, or to exit the bus? Why must you do that thing where you slide your legs into the aisle, as if that’s really giving us enough room to pass by you. Sure, you’re legs aren’t in the way, but this is a tight fit, and I still have to press into your flesh with my a$$ or vagina as I pass. And these are two areas of my body I only want certain people touching, and NONE of these select few have EVER been YOU people.

And, no, this is not a case of a lady protesting too much. I really do hate it.

And in case you are reading this, allow me to point out just who YOU people are. You are this and that a$$hole! You're that fvcking guy and girl I can't stand, even if you are the nicest person ever and take care of dying lymphoma babies. Even if you are the person who makes it possible for me to buy honey at the grocery store, so that I do not have to pilfer dangerous bee hives to enjoy my favorite sweet treat, I think you’re a piece of corn poop!

I realize that it’s a very funny scene in Fight Club when Brad Pitt makes his remark about whether it’s more polite to give someone the a$$ or crotch. Hah-hah, Brad Pitt! And, because it’s Brad Pitt, many of us wouldn’t mind having either his a$$ or his crotch shoved up against us. In fact, some of us might even like it if he were naked, his wiry pubey bits tickling our arms as he goes by, the musk smell of manhood lingering in his wake….

Some of us.

But I don’t think it’s too far of a stretch to know that it doesn’t matter whether it’s the a$$ or the crotch. They are BOTH rude and they are BOTH precious, private areas, and the only contact I want them to have (aside from with my underwear) is with the negative space you kindly leave behind when you’ve stood up and moved out of my way.

STAND UP! Just stand up, people. I’m not asking for your seat. I’m not asking for you to pave my exit with rose petals, nor do I expect you to pour me a gin and tonic if I take a seat next to you, but I DO expect you to let me take my seat without having to molest you with my ass flab. That’s doing neither of us any favors, so please, You People, use your manners.

Now, another thing that really bugs me You People. How HARD is it to do your dishes after you use them? Why, WHY, must you leave them in the sink for 7 days? Is it a religious thing? Is it because the drying rack is full of last week’s dishes? Why not just put those away?!

Well, it’s because I’m lazy.

Oh, God. Audra – myself – are you ONE of Those People?!

Yeah. I’m no better than the rest of mankind when it really comes down to it. All kinds of people do things that are rude and annoying, and in certain areas of my life, I’m no exception.

Well, try. Try to be exceptional!

Okay.

[Gemini Cricket]

Phft, some people...




EH1812,
I love your rants. You're like a composed female George Carlin.

[Cadaverous Pallor]

Point taken. If I ever ride a bus again, I'm set.

As for the dishes: Screw off.

[Eliza Hodgkins 1812]

I'm a total domestic screw off. I desire to be otherwise, but I was raised by nannies and housekeepers so I'm a lazy effin' bastard.

[Not Afraid]

My Mother used to always say....."That's what THEY are wearing this year". It used to drive me insane until I started responding "That's so nice for them". Heh, it made me feel better at least.

[MerryPrankster]

Yes, definitely a polite reason to take a window sit. (I usually give the crotch shot over the butt shot when scooting down an aisle at ballgames, concerts, etc. It's smaller - takes up less space.)

Another good reason to grab a window seat: It seems that many folks who use public transportation either forget to bathe and/or use antiperspirant-deodorant.

I'm good about washing the dishes. If you leave yours in the sink, I'll go ahead and wash yours too.

[BarTopDancer]

You people. Ya. YOU PEOPLE!

You know who you are. The ones who don't flush the toilet, or make sure everything goes down. What are you?! 4? Are you afraid the toilet monster is going to jump out and swallow you whole?

And what's up with leaving your trash on the floor. Throw it in the trash can! If it falls on the floor, pick it up and throw it in the trash can. And for the love of all things holy wrap up your products and make sure they are all the way in the trash bin!

Do you leave your bathroom at home looking like this? Do you leave your trash on the floor, your toilet unflushed, wipe your snot on the walls? Somehow I doubt it. I see cleaner restrooms at Disneyland, and it's not due to the janitorial staff that's always in there.

Thank you.

[sleepyjeff]

Originally Posted by Cadaverous Pallor

Point taken. If I ever ride a bus again, I'm set.

As for the dishes: Screw off.

Ditto that............

[Ghoulish Delight]

Originally Posted by MerryPrankster

I'm good about washing the dishes. If you leave yours in the sink, I'll go ahead and wash yours too.

I'll PM you my address.

[mousepod]

Nice post. Here's a suggestion, though. Why don't you just take the aisle seat on the bus? Then when a stranger wants the window seat you can just stand up and let him or her pass. You could stand up again when he or she wants to get off. They will never be exposed to your crotch and you get to make the choice whether you're interested in a close encounter with their privates or not. It's a win-win, plus you get all that good standing and sitting exercise that you miss when you skip church (for Sunday brunch).