Advice Needed for Stressed Bear.

[lashbear]

Hello all. I need your advice on a tricky situation.

Funny how things all happen at once, isn't it ?

I have just had the one thing I NEVER expected happen to me.

My Birth-mother called my Dad and said she wants to meet me.

IF I do so, I will be meting my Birth-mother, her three sons (all younger than me) and her husband (who is not my birth father.)

THis has shaken my world to it's foundations.

I'm of a mind that I should get to know them and at least form a friendship via web / phone (they are on the Opposite side of Australia from me (West Coast)). I'm not afraid of offending my mum who adopted me, as she has passed on, and my father has already spent several hours on th phone telling my Birth-mum all about me.

Has anyone here had experience with meeting their Birth-mother (or father) and if so, how did it go ?

Her sons (27, & twins, 30) are into Manga and RPG etc. They sound really cool from what I've seen on the net. They have red hair too. (I'm gingery).

Dad has said he will fly me and lashstoat over to Perth to meet them if we want.

I have told them I will call her this Fri - should I take it further than that ?

Signed,
Confused & dazed bear.

[Gemini Cricket]

Personally, I think you should go. I'm sure you've been curious about what your birth mom is like.

BUT

In light of recent events, maybe this isn't the right time to do it? Maybe you can postpone it until you feel less stressed about it and have had more time to relax a bit?

[CoasterMatt]

Wow... this is just wild! Just remember to take care of yourself;
I'd say pretty much what GC said, maybe ask them for some time considering your recent events.

[Cadaverous Pallor]

Talk to them a bunch via phone/web before making a decision.

[alphabassettgrrl]

Wow- usually when I hear about this question the adoptive family is unsupportive - it's great that your dad will help you!

Talk to them on the phone, go meet them unless something screams otherwise. Most of us are lucky to have one family that loves us- you could wind up with two loving families!

Timing might be tricky- depends how you feel right now. If you're up to it, I say do it!

[Not Afraid]

I would wait until after the phone call to see what your gut feeling is. Then, try not to have any expectations about the meeting and the what the relationship might be. It's the expectations that cause the stress. If you try not to have many, your stress level will be lower.

[tracilicious]

Hmmm...Personally, I would probably go. If for nothing else than that I would always wonder what could have been if I didn't. I agree with NA, don't go with any expectation except for resolving curiousity.

I think that the decision probably should rest on your personal feelings. If you have resentment towards your birth mother, than that should be taken into consideration. I would hate to see your health suffer from a very stressful experience.

[wendybeth]

It's cool that they are reaching out to you, Lash- I know a lot of people who've given up a child for adoption, and it is a heartbreaking decision to make for most birth parents. Even if you hadn't been through your recent health issues, I would still advise that you follow your instincts and get to know them by phone and letters first. It won't be so ackward when and if you finally do see them face-to-face, and you'll have a better idea of what you may be walking into. I've known some successful reunions, and some not-so-great ones, so tread carefully.

[innerSpaceman]

Jeebus, Lash - I don't think you need treat yourself as a fragile object. By all means, though, have some prior communication and do what your gut tells you.

I daresay you'd regret not going, if that's your decision. But after all the helpful advice is in .... only you and your feelings can tell you what's right.

[MickeyD]

If it were me, I would meet them. I understand the trepidation, but I would meet them anyway. I've always been a bit curious about my birth mother....not curious enough to get off my butt to seek her out at all, but curious enough that if she sought me out and my dad were to pay to fly me to whereever she lives, I'd go.