Guy on the Plane

[Cadaverous Pallor]

After the usual humiliation at the security check and the usual wait for the boarding call, I ended up on the tiny commuter jet next to Mr. Random Stranger. Average height and weight, receding hairline, small round glasses, tie. Two seats on this side of the single aisle, so we struck up the conversation of inconvenience.

First impression - gay. Definitely gay. My gaydar isn't great but this guy lisped like a gay rattlesnake.

Under a minute later we came to the standard question on a Sunday night flight, which is, what did you do in town over the weekend? His response included the words "Republican Committee."

Ok, so maybe he wasn't gay. He was definitely dressed for a political rally. And my gaydar sucks, right? For a split second I saw him checking my reaction to his words. All I could fumble was "Oh, cool."

Most of the rest of the flight I considered asking him to elaborate on his affiliation with the Republican Party. Especially after what happened next.

I explained about my husband's business trip. It is the reason I was in SF, after all. But his response caught me so off guard I completely forget the actual subject of his sentence. All I know is that he mentioned HIS husband.

"Did I hear that right," I thought, "or was that my mental overlay for his words?" Nope, he definitly said the words "my husband". So. Openly gay, Republican Committee, check.

I was about to give up on the guy when we started down the runway. He crossed himself, seriously crossed himself, twice.

This was when my mind shifted from "weird guy" to "poor fcker."

Before the captain allowed the use of my iPod to forget this bizarre person, we talked more idle talk, and he said "Lent is coming up!" as if he figured I followed Lent, and he mentioned what he was doing for Lent very matter-of-factly, and then mentioned his husband again, and even pointed to his very prominent wedding ring. It was almost more than I could stand. I brought up that I had been kosher as a child just to shift the conversation and to get him to shut up.

I was uncomfortable beyond belief. I couldn't deal with this guy. I mean, if he had said Republican, and Catholic, and lisped, then I would have been like ok, he's a self-hater, how awful for him, I hope he wasn't "rehabilitated", or maybe my gaydar sucks, yeah, I'd hope it was shtty gaydar, and let him go on with his life, and whatever. But a fcking wedding ring, and no problem telling people....no closet here. Being a former Republican myself, and a former follower of fully organized religious beliefs, I can somewhat grok where he's coming from, but dude, at that point in my life even I was forced to closet many things about myself in order to make it work.

I felt like I should say something. That sitting here nodding at him like he was a rational person was aiding and abetting. I kept looking out the window at nothing but dark water. I was on the wrong side of the plane for sightseeing.

I mean, what do you say? I realized that if I opened my mouth at all I would give away the turmoil he made me feel. That no matter how I phrased it, it would still come out as "you are supporting groups that do not embrace you." Or worse, "you are supporting groups that want to show you off and say that they are inclusive, even as they seek to wipe you off the face of the earth."

As soon as I could I turned on my music and tried not to think about it, but I was on the brink of saying something the rest of the time I was with him, up until the moment I saw him embrace his husband, who had come to pick him up.

As a person who continually wrestles with my own internalized paradoxes and conflicting irrationalities, this man's existance was nails on a chalkboard.