Get It Off Your (Dead Man's) Chest: Pirates Movie Reviews

[innerSpaceman]

Maybe Alex was right.


I hated it.




I thought it was a mess. Convoluted, confusing, no plot or even a perceivable through-line to the story, and Sparrow and Swann were both too mean-spirited for my tastes. It seemed as if the special effects and art departments determined the story of the film instead of vice-versa.

To my mind, there was far too little piracy and too much mythology.

Spoiler:

Did we really need that many kraken attacks?

For all the action, the film seemed joyless and unfun. I was bored for too much of the time, though there was some great silly entertainment scattered about. But it wasn't even half a film. Despite a bloated two-and-a-half hour running time, the meat of the story was barely started before the To Be Continued ending (which, to me, played less like a cliffhanger and more like a commercial break).

Problem is, I wasn't engaged enough with the tale to really care to see more of it. I'd be much more excited about Pirates III if it wasn't going to be just a continuance of Pirates II. Davy Jones, wonderful CG and performance as was there, just didn't do it for me as a villain and the story revolving around him and the Dead Man's Chest wasn't involving enough for me to care about a second half that unfolds any later than next week.


Certainly, there was stuff I liked. But overall, a complete Meh. (as in Mess)

[blueerica]

It's as though you took the words right out of my mouth, iSm...

I went to see it with a friend who said it best:

2.5 Hours of filler, poor dialogue, 30 minute plot derivatives, some good action sequences, and open endings..

You do this with T.V.... not movies.

Maybe it's because I loved the first so much. Upon further and further consideration it was so artfully crafted, you could get the many wonderful layers without feeling bashed over the head with it. This movie just tried too hard. Watching it required effort. Sure, I saw the midnight showing, and yes, I was tired... But I ended up dozing for about 10 minutes, brought my head up, turned to my friend and asked him "This looks like it's unimportant, am I right?" to which he responded "Yes, I have no idea what the f*ck this is about..." I turned my head and dozed for at least another 5, and woke up once it got interesting.

I have a fun little contest: Who will be the first person to guess which part I snoozed through... Any takers? Any guesses?

I felt like I was asking myself repeatedly whether the movie was going to end at all, and imagine my surprise (and ultimate dismay) when it didn't end at all. (Even though I do love Geoffrey Rush...)

[blueerica]

I should also add that there were many parts to the film that I enjoyed. Anyone else hear the suckers on the Krakken rolling down the sides of the boat? That gave me the chills... It was beautifully shot, no doubt.

[scaeagles]

Not a review, but I did see that it had the biggest opening day in Hollywood history - 55.5 million. Wow.

[Alex]

If anybody cares, here is my review for MP.

I recongize that there are serious flaws in the movie but I still enjoyed it quite a bit. Each of the flaws I see in this movie were present, in equal parts, in the first movie so I think for many people it will just be boring to experience it again.

I wouldn't say I loved it but I enjoyed it. And that is true of the first one as well. With this one I was entertained enough to ignore the flaws whereas with Superman Returns I was not entertained at all so all I noticed were the flaws.

[blueerica]

Wow, I am actually kind of surprised... there was so much there in the first movie that it took a couple of weeks in a class last semester to take apart the symbolism and story telling elements (I was in a class called Comic Spirit, during which we discussed the history and meaning of comedy). I saw a lot of it before then, but after seeing the movie for its parts, I was only sorely disappointed by the sequel. Hrmm.. but this thread is not about the first movie, so I'll step off it.

[FEJ]

Didn't hate it, but not raving either. To me it just seemed like a big setup for PotCIII. It was like they had too much story for one movie, but not ennough for 2, so they stretched it. I too was perturbed about, upon initial introduction, the Kraken took the first ship "to the bottom" real quickly but then it was on the surface for The Black Pearl to find. Then subsequently it took forever to take down a ship.
The added slapstick, although fun, seemed to take away from the movie. It really couldn't decide which way to go. Serious mythical lore, or comedy. Yes, some comedy is ok, but it just seemed as if there was too much to take the rest seriously. Some of the gags went so far that It distracted me and I started getting cynical. The sword fight on the wheel... come on.. funny for a second-impossible after a bit. (For a serious scene-great for comedy). Also, when Will was hiding away in the bow, and it submerged, you can't tell me he was able to get out of there under the pressure of the water and the surprise of not knowing it was going down. At the end, when the feet were shown on the stairs, my heart started racing and I was hoping it was Keith Richards. I was all ready to cheer loudly but that was quickly quelled by the re-introduction of Geoffrey Rush. It left me thinking "didn't he bleed to death in the first one?" blah blah blah.

There were some fun parts, don't get me wrong. The three way sword fighting scene, Elizabeth hamming it up but not getting any attention, etc... I also liked the way Davey Jones Crew (especially Bootstrap Bill) would "grow" as the movie went on.

Overall, I was entertained, but not really surprised or overwhelmed. It reminded me of Star Wars: Episode II. Not really needed for most of it and really filler until the third installment. I will see the third one also, hoping it will wrap up some of the things that were left in this episode.

[BarTopDancer]

My random thoughts.

Loved: SHINY! And Johnny. He's dreamy, though I'm not sure I like what they are doing with his character.

I didn't get the beginning, what does that have to do with anything? And the ending. Barbossa. Really?! Didn't he die at the end? Though I suppose they have to show that they can bring people back from the dead so they can bring Sparrow back.

Was anyone else waiting for the LOST monster when they were running through the island or King Kong to appear?

[cstephens]

Generally, I liked the film, but I think a lot of that is the attachment to the characters from the first film. Otherwise, the story was very choppy, and I'm not entirely sure I got it all. I'm pretty good with listening to accents, but I had a *really* difficult time with understanding both the haitianish magic lady living by the river and Davey Jones, so that made it even more difficult. And while there was a lot of eye-candy action, a lot of it seemed like it was there *only* for the eye-candy and the "wow, look what we can do" factor: the entire fight sequence on the rolling water wheel, most of the stuff having to do with the crew of the Flying Dutchman, Jack's whole escape attempt with the pole still tied to him. It almost seemed like they were relying entirely on all the good-will and interest generated by the first film and didn't bother to actually come up with a good story, which was mostly what drew me into the first film in the first place. This time, some of the coincidences were entirely too contrived.

Spoiler for the ending:

Spoiler:

I had forgotten that Barbossa was going to be in this, so it wasn't until they mentioned the new captain and I saw the first footstep that he popped into my mind. Great entrance, but I have no idea what he said because all of us in the theatre were screaming so loudly.

Spoiler for the ending-ending:

Spoiler:

Lots of people still left when the credits started to roll, but quite a few stayed for the whole thing (maybe it's an El Cap thing), so there were still a number of people there for the scene after the credits. And it was nice that the dog was still alive and had been made king, but doesn't that mean eventually, they will still roast him and eat him?

[Alex]

Considering that the entire movie is a chase to find a still-beating heart buried for years in the sand of a random atoll using a magic compass that takes you to your true desire I don't really have a problem with the return of Barbossa.

So far I have received about 35 emails in response to my review (mostly because they want me to tell them what the post-credits scene was) and so far nobody has said they didn't like it and many have taken me to task for not liking it enough. I'm not saying that argues against not liking it if you didn't, just pointing it out (if general consensus ruled I would have to like Twister).