Jubulationg Hedons – A Primer on Analytic Hedonism

[€uroMeinke]

Hedon Jubulation

Things can be either pleasurable or unpleasurable. Pleasurable experiences and things bring you hedons; while the unpleasant takes hedons away (sometimes noted as “anti-hedons”). This seemingly simple calculation though, is still quiet complex, as hedons have a curious way of multiplying or sometimes even evaporating. As of yet, no set constant on the amount of hedons in the world has been determined. Many claim the number of hedons could be limitless, but until we develop a more accurate method of jubulating hedons, these questions shall remain unanswered.

One can some times gain hedons through the depletion of hedons from others. This is often the case in practical jokes where the hedon gain is almost always directly proportional to the hedons lost by the victim. (however, a greater number of witnesses could yield overall greater hedons).

Contrary to conventional wisdom, hedons can sometimes be bought. Retail therapy, popular entertainment, drinking, and whoring are all ways of trading cash for hedons – even if it is only a short-term hedon fix.

However, one needn’t have to lose hedons in order for someone to gain them. Communities are filled with situations in which hedons are acquired by both parties in a transaction. The simple smile (which some equate as the smallest unit of hedon) that is returned with a smile is a basic example of hedon reciprocation and multiplication.

Unfortunately, hedons are difficult to store. And even if one has attained the highest possible limit of hedons (should such a limit exist), they can be easily lost to a single hedon depleating experience, or slowly over time through hedon evaporation. Some people are quite skilled at self-generating hedons, but many of us if left alone soon find ourselves in a state of boredom, or hedon stasis.

Thus it is important, to regularly check and jubulate one’s hedon level, as well as the hedon levels of those around you. By keeping this overall level high, society benefits as a whole. Otherwise, society might slip into malaise and boredom – a never-ending funk of anti-hedons. That is why we must keep smiling.

The Physics of Love

Some people equate love with pleasure, while there is an unmistakable correlation, the to are entirely separate in their metaphysical properties.

While debate continues as to whether or not the expression of love is a particle or a wave, we can often plot the love effect as a vector, a ray of love, or if you’ll permit, an amour-ray.

Amour-rays are generated people and certain higher animals, such as household pets. They are usually directed at other people, or creatures. When struck by an amour-ray, hedons are usually produced. (There are circumstances such in unrequited or unwanted love, where the amour-ray might actually result in the production of anti-hedons). The knowing glance from across the room resulting in a sly smile is an example of this amour-ray hedon exchange.

Inanimate objects cannot produce amour-rays on their own. However, sometimes an object might reflect one’s own amour-ray back to one’s self, creating hedons independently. This sort of narcissistic hedonism can be dangerous, as it leads to antisocial behavior and the greater hedon depletion to those around them.

Certain objects, such as photographs, letters, and especially jewelry can absorb amour-rays so then when observed later, the loved one cane be struck by an amour-ray and experience an increase in hedons. Some say, this might be the secret behind a developing a hedon storage system – monumental art work and religious artifacts being examples in attempts to create hedon storage, but these too still suffer from hedon evaporation over time.

While hedon storage continues to be a problem, perhaps hedon generation is an all around better solution. Some have theorized that if we were to bombard ourselves with enough amour-rays, so that we in turn produce reciprocal amour-rays, that the hedons produced might reach a sort of critical mass whereby a perpetual engine of pleasure is created.

Many have experimented with the pleasure engine – but achieving the perpetually of hedon critical mass still has not been produced in a laboratory environment. However, many of us continue the scientific pursuit of happiness though analytic hedonism.

[Ghoulish Delight]

Originally Posted by €uroMeinke

One can some times gain hedons through the depletion of hedons from others. This is often the case in practical jokes where the hedon gain is almost always inversely proportional to the hedons lost by the victim. (however, a greater number of witnesses could yield overall greater hedons).

A minor technical quibble, what you describe is a directly proportional relationship between hedon gain and hedon loss (i.e., the more lost by one, the more gained by the other), rather than inversely proportional.

[mousepod]

Brilliant! A couple of questions for Dr. €uro:

- Are all hedons alike? Are they like calories or ergs, or are there qualitative differences between different types of hedons?

- What about hedon storage units that become more powerful over time, such as the first VU album or the works of Van Gogh?

I must know!

[lizziebith]

Is giving mojo for hedons redundant? Ah, who cares!

[Cadaverous Pallor]

I am totally digging this.

Where's your bibliography, asks the librarian? I did just start Nietzsche, so any additional hedon research will have to go on the list.

[€uroMeinke]

Originally Posted by Ghoulish Delight

A minor technical quibble, what you describe is a directly proportional relationship between hedon gain and hedon loss (i.e., the more lost by one, the more gained by the other), rather than inversely proportional.

Hmmm, I shall have to give my graduate assistents all spankings for letting that pass - you are in fact correct and I shall edit immediately.

[€uroMeinke]

Originally Posted by mousepod

Brilliant! A couple of questions for Dr. €uro:

- Are all hedons alike? Are they like calories or ergs, or are there qualitative differences between different types of hedons?

A hedon is the most basic unit of pleasure - but what that precisely is, is still up to debate. For awhile those in the analytic hedonist community accepted a smile as the most basic unit of pleasure and hence a hedon.

All went well until the first international conference in which it was discovered that Americans and British smiled differently. Apparently, the British felt the American smile was "faked" more often than not and led to suspicion that the Americans were pretending to have more hedons that they actually did.

The American's, on the other hand felt the British full mouth smile was excessively wasting hedons and thought they might be taunting the Americans in the same way the Pound is at a better exchange rate than the dollar.

There was also a small French contingent that insisted that hedons required an embrace and at least one kiss on the cheek, but they were overshadowed by the other conflicts.

All parties eventually agreed that it might have something to do with the eyes and are currently seeking grant funds to explore that proposition.

Originally Posted by mousepod

- What about hedon storage units that become more powerful over time, such as the first VU album or the works of Van Gogh?

I must know!

That is an interesting question. There are those that theorize that such things like works of art recieved huge amounts amour-rays in their creation that sometimes are only released at certain times of history, or recieved by certain people.

Unfortunately, the only way to get a definitive answer would be to build a hedon accelator and bombard the works with pleasure until they broke down and released all stored hedons and amour-rays. The process of course would render the VU album unplayable and the cover art tarnished.

[Ghoulish Delight]

Originally Posted by €uroMeinke

For awhile those in the analytic hedonist community accepted a smile as the most basic unit of pleasure and hence a hedon.

In that case, how many smiles equal an orgasm?

[€uroMeinke]

Originally Posted by Ghoulish Delight

In that case, how many smiles equal an orgasm?

Orgasms are far to unreliable across populations. Some can achieve orgasm rather quickly, resulting in dissappointment, and in some rare occasions anti-hedons.

Now for yourselves, you can jubulate the hedons in your own orgasms by simply counting your smile states. In this situation it helps to have a partner who can document your smile progession and subsequent hedon accumulation. Be warned though that your hedon to orgasm ration may change over time and social situations.

[blueerica]

Oh, my hedons increased exponentially just reading this.

Thank you, Dr. €!