Justifiable Homicide

[SacTown Chronic]

From The Sacramento Bee:

When chickens fly: Timothy L. Allen had some explaining to do after neighbors called Sacramento police and claimed Tim was killing chickens with a frying pan. The police report says the suspect confirmed the bloodletting - but had a pretty good reason. "Suspect says the chickens ate his marijuana," the report says. Allen pleaded no contest to misdemeanor cannabis possession. No plea yet on animal-cruelty allegations. ...

[Eliza Hodgkins 1812]

Dear Mr Timothy L Allen:

You're lucky I don't like the idea of spending the rest of my life in a small cell, with only a couple of hours allowance for some outdoor activity, most likely involving jogging (which I hate) and weight lifting (which I don't like anymore than I like jogging). You're lucky I worry about what my parents would think of me if I hauled ass up north with a frying pan to teach you the meaning of the same kind of pain you inflicted on those poor chickens. That's right, you're damn lucky I don't have any plans to repay you in kind for the kindness you showed your feathered friends.

Of course, jail time means lots of time to read, even if it also means a good chance of a lesbian shower gang rape, followed by a possible shanking. So maybe I'd like jail. Sure I'd have to learn how to melt toothbrushes into weapons, and how to turn my most private orifices into secret purses, but maybe it would be worth it to be the one who gives you yours.

God, I fvcking hate you, you stupid pot smoker. HATE YOU.

Sincerely,
A girl who eats chicken, but still doesn't believe in chicken torture.

[Scrooge McSam]

*Scrooge prays for the powers that be to give Ms. Eliza a nationally syndicated column somewhere along the lines of Savage Love*

Originally Posted by Eliza Hodgkins 1812

So maybe I'd like jail.

LOL

[Cadaverous Pallor]

BWAHAHAHA, hitting a chicken with a frying pan, now THAT's COMEDY.

Required lame animated chicken gifs:




This one's cute

[Gn2Dlnd]

A chicken in every pot!

Er, other way around.

Smoked chicken, anyone?

Sincerely,
A girl who eats chicken, but still doesn't believe in chicken torture.
(to quote Miss Eliza)

[SacTown Chronic]

Originally Posted by Eliza Hodgkins 1812

You're lucky I worry about what my parents would think of me if I hauled ass up north with a frying pan to teach you the meaning of the same kind of pain you inflicted on those poor chickens.

I'm sure your parents would be proud of you.

[Tref]

Originally Posted by Eliza Hodgkins 1812

... you stupid pot smoker ...

I was right along with you, babe ... then you took it too far.

[Eliza Hodgkins 1812]

Originally Posted by Tref

I was right along with you, babe ... then you took it too far.

I don't mean to imply that pot smokers are stupid.

I meant that HE is a stupid post smoker. Because he was so obsessed with his own love of the drug, that he became a chicken abuser because they ate his stash. Not a cool pot smoker. A cool pot smoker would have said, "S'all good, chicken kin. All good. Enjoy your high my lovely feathered beauties. I'm right there with you!"

[blueerica]

I'm wondering --- was the OP intent for humor, because although I think the act absolutely atrocious, I find some of the circumstances a bit funny. The cops said he had a "pretty good reason." I mean... the COPS said he had a pretty good reason to do it... the article assumes the cops are justifying his rampage, because pot is pot, and we don't want no chickens eatin' our pot, right?

I mean, I know I wouldn't want no chickens eatin' my pot...

I say, the man was stupid for leaving the pot in a place where the chickens could get at it. Who does that? Didn't he know chickens had the reefer madness?

[Kevy Baby]

It was a stupid act to kill the chickens. The entertainment value of watching a bunch of stoned chickens stumble around would have been worth letting the chickens live.

Also, I had been wondering what Tim Allen had been up to of late.