Thithter Thychic*

[Gemini Cricket]

*Sister Psychic (A song by SmashMouth)

My older sister came to visit me yesterday. I was really looking forward to seeing her.

I love my older sister to death but sometimes she has a way of making me feel less than adequate.

She's very fixed on people's looks and always has something to say about my looks. She looks like Eva Longoria or a model or something...

At a restaurant, she waits until her husband to be goes to the bathroom to tell me that she and the rest of my immediate family are pooling their money together for a big purchase. Thinking it's a house or a condo somewhere I ask what it is.

My sister tells me that they're putting their money together because and this is a quote, 'You're teeth are really bad and you need dental work on your front teeth.' I was stunned. I had no idea that I had not for public interaction teeth. I had no idea that my British smile reminded the world of Roquefort cheese.

'You guys had a meeting about this?' I asked.
'Yes.' She said.

Then husband to be comes back to the table and the subject is dropped.

I am so fvcking steamed.

My friend, Mimi, said to take the money and run. Get veneers and laugh it all off. But I'm pissed. How fairweather, shallow and two dimensional can a family be? What happened to we love you no matter what?

And it gets better, folks.

For lunch, I'm eating seafood pasta leftovers from the other night. I bite into a hidden clamshell and chip my front tooth. Now I look like what they were talking about.

I don't know whether to laugh or just crawl in a hole and die.

I'm tho pithed off. But, as you can see, I still have my thense of humor.


Oh yes, I forgot to add that she thinks my apartment's too small, we act like we live in a dorm, there's too much dog hair in the truck, we have too many knickknacks and she's glad she can finally tell mom what my place looks like.

I hate my family.