Sometimes the Words Do Come

[Gemini Cricket]

Ever been in a situation, a confrontation maybe, when after it's all over you wish you said something clever during it? It happens to me all the time, I think 'Gosh, I should have said this and this and this. That would have been awesome.'

Well, something happened to me tonight and the words just came right outta me.

So, I thought I'd buy a couple of fish for my new aquarium tonight so I went to the Studio City Petco. There was no parking in their lot, so I parked across the street from the Petco. As I'm crossing the street, a mini Cooper zooms right in front of me. It was literally 6 inches from hitting me. I didn't think anything of it, typical LA... Then as I'm walking, the driver of the mini Cooper slams on the breaks. Now here comes the mini Cooper in reverse, this time right at me.

Now, you've seen those 70's cop shows where there's a car chase and poor pedestrians have to leap out of the way? That was me. I had to jump away or the car would hit me. I bet I was ghostly white. Not only that, but I landed on the side of my foot because I did it so fast. All the while, the driver didn't see me still. She was on her freakin' cellphone.

So, being livid, I decided not to let this go. Apparently, the slamming of the breaks and the quick reverse was for an available parking space on the street. So, I walked up to her driver side window and pound on it.

The lady jumped out of her skin. 20 something, blonde, pretty, large toothy smile... probably an actress... feh! Her 20 something mop top boyfriend sat in the passenger seat.

"You almost ran me over, you fu cking idiot." I said to the window.
The boyfriend was laughing. That made me feel swell.
She rolls down the window and pokes her head out.
"What's your problem?" She said.
"You still don't know, do you?" I said. "You almost ran me over twice."
With wide eyes, she shrugged.
(Now the rest isn't very PC so forgive me, I almost got hit by a car...)
I continued, "Looks like someone drank her idiot juice today."
"Well, look at me, dear. Obviously I'm sorry." She said.
I think it was the "dear" that ticked me off. That's what I call people when I'm mad with them.
"Listen here, Big Teeth." I squatted down so my eyes were level with hers. "Next time, let your fu cking seeing eye dog drive."
She just sat there with a stunned look on her face. Boyfriend was still laughing.
And I walked off.

I'm horribly shy when it comes to confrontations, but tonight I wasn't. Yeah, I should have let it go, blah blah blah. But, damn, that felt great.