Feeling goofy - post your favorite lame jokes here

[scaeagles]

Why did they cancel the leper football game?

Spoiler:

There was a hand-off at the 50.

Why did they cancel the leper hockey game?

Spoiler:

There was a face-off in the corner.

Why did they cancel the leper basketball game?

Spoiler:

There was a loose ball on the court.

[mousepod]

Did you hear about the leper cowboy?

Spoiler:

He threw his leg over his horse

[Not Afraid]

Dress Code for Old Folks





Many of us "Old Folks" (those over 40, WAY over 40 or on the way to 50) are quite confused about how we should present ourselves. We're unsure about the kind of image we are projecting and whether or not we are correct as we try to conform to current fashions.



Despite what you may have seen on the streets, the following combinations DO NOT go together and should be avoided:



1. A nose ring and bifocals

2. Spiked hair and bald spots

3. A pierced tongue and dentures

4. Miniskirts and support hose

5. Ankle bracelets and corn pads

6. Speedo's and cellulite

7. A belly button ring and a gall bladder surgery scar

8. Unbuttoned disco shirts and a heart monitor

9. Midriff shirts and a midriff bulge

10. Pierced nipples that hang below the waist

11. Bikinis and liver spots

12. Short shorts and varicose veins

13. Inline skates and a walker





And the ultimate "Bad Taste" in fashion for the "Older Folks".

14. Thongs and Depends

[Baileykat]

Originally Posted by scaeagles

Why did they cancel the leper football game?

Spoiler:

There was a hand-off at the 50.

Why did they cancel the leper hockey game?

Spoiler:

There was a face-off in the corner.

Why did they cancel the leper basketball game?

Spoiler:

There was a loose ball on the court.

Are you taking those narcotics again?

[scaeagles]

Originally Posted by Baileykat

Are you taking those narcotics again?

Actually, I am quite amazed at how long it is taking my body to metabolize completely the ones I did take.

[Cadaverous Pallor]

This thread needs Tramspotting.

Me, I never remember jokes, but I love hearing them.

[Tramspotter]

Originally Posted by Cadaverous Pallor

This thread needs Tramspotting.

Ask and you shall receive...


So this city guy moves out to rural Montana to get away from it all. And two days after his arrival, his neighbor shows up at the front door. Total outdoors-man, cow-punching looking dude. He waits a beat and says, "So ah reckin there should be a welcome to the nayberhood git together for ya."

The city guy is delighted, as he didn't quite know how he would fit in.

His new neighbor continues "But I gotta warn ya, there's gonna be some heavy drinking." "Thats fine with me in-fact I enjoy a good whiskey" says the new arrival." "There's probably gonna be some fighting and fvckin as well." the neighbor added.

"Hey no, it's fine thats why I came out here - to cut loose! What should I wear?"

"Don't rightly matter," says the cowpuncher, "just gonna be the two of us."

[lindyhop]

A woman sees a funeral procession: a hearse followed by a woman in black walking a dog, followed by another hearse with a long line of women following the second hearse. She asks the woman in black what's going on.

The woman tells her: That's my husband in the hearse in front. His mistress is in the hearse back there. My dog killed them both.

The first woman asks: Can I borrow your dog?

The widow replies: Get in line.

[scaeagles]

Two atoms are walking down the street.

First atom: "Damn, I lost and electron!"
Second atom: "Are you sure?"
First atom: "Yes, I'm positive."

And a totally tasteless knock knock joke:

Spoiler:

knock, knock
who's there?
little boy blue
Little boy blue who?
Michael Jackson

[wendybeth]

What does a blonde say after having sex ?

Spoiler:

What team do you guys play for !