Justifiable Homicide

SacTown Chronic · 06-17-2005, 02:44 PM

From The Sacramento Bee:

Quote:

When chickens fly: Timothy L. Allen had some explaining to do after neighbors called Sacramento police and claimed Tim was killing chickens with a frying pan. The police report says the suspect confirmed the bloodletting - but had a pretty good reason. "Suspect says the chickens ate his marijuana," the report says. Allen pleaded no contest to misdemeanor cannabis possession. No plea yet on animal-cruelty allegations. ...

Eliza Hodgkins 1812 · 06-17-2005, 03:00 PM

Dear Mr Timothy L Allen:

You're lucky I don't like the idea of spending the rest of my life in a small cell, with only a couple of hours allowance for some outdoor activity, most likely involving jogging (which I hate) and weight lifting (which I don't like anymore than I like jogging). You're lucky I worry about what my parents would think of me if I hauled ass up north with a frying pan to teach you the meaning of the same kind of pain you inflicted on those poor chickens. That's right, you're damn lucky I don't have any plans to repay you in kind for the kindness you showed your feathered friends.

Of course, jail time means lots of time to read, even if it also means a good chance of a lesbian shower gang rape, followed by a possible shanking. So maybe I'd like jail. Sure I'd have to learn how to melt toothbrushes into weapons, and how to turn my most private orifices into secret purses, but maybe it would be worth it to be the one who gives you yours.

God, I fvcking hate you, you stupid pot smoker. HATE YOU.

Sincerely,
A girl who eats chicken, but still doesn't believe in chicken torture.

Scrooge McSam · 06-17-2005, 03:07 PM

*Scrooge prays for the powers that be to give Ms. Eliza a nationally syndicated column somewhere along the lines of Savage Love*

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eliza Hodgkins 1812

So maybe I'd like jail.

LOL

SacTown Chronic · 06-17-2005, 03:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eliza Hodgkins 1812

You're lucky I worry about what my parents would think of me if I hauled ass up north with a frying pan to teach you the meaning of the same kind of pain you inflicted on those poor chickens.

I'm sure your parents would be proud of you.

Tref · 06-17-2005, 03:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eliza Hodgkins 1812

... you stupid pot smoker ...

I was right along with you, babe ... then you took it too far.

Eliza Hodgkins 1812 · 06-17-2005, 11:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tref

I was right along with you, babe ... then you took it too far.

I don't mean to imply that pot smokers are stupid.

I meant that HE is a stupid post smoker. Because he was so obsessed with his own love of the drug, that he became a chicken abuser because they ate his stash. Not a cool pot smoker. A cool pot smoker would have said, "S'all good, chicken kin. All good. Enjoy your high my lovely feathered beauties. I'm right there with you!"

Tref · 06-18-2005, 08:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eliza Hodgkins 1812

A cool pot smoker would have said, "S'all good, chicken kin. All good. Enjoy your high my lovely feathered beauties. I'm right there with you!"

You funny, EHMDCCCXII, very, very funny. I likee.

Kevy Baby · 06-19-2005, 09:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tref

You funny, EHMDCCCXII, very, very funny. I likee.

So, when's the wedding?

Cadaverous Pallor · 06-17-2005, 03:10 PM

BWAHAHAHA, hitting a chicken with a frying pan, now THAT's COMEDY.

Required lame animated chicken gifs:

This one's cute

Gn2Dlnd · 06-17-2005, 03:10 PM

A chicken in every pot!

Er, other way around.

Smoked chicken, anyone?

Sincerely,
A girl who eats chicken, but still doesn't believe in chicken torture.
(to quote Miss Eliza)

06-17-2005, 03:00 PM	#2
Eliza Hodgkins 1812 Sputnik Sweetheart Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Long Beach Posts: 2,685	Dear Mr Timothy L Allen: You're lucky I don't like the idea of spending the rest of my life in a small cell, with only a couple of hours allowance for some outdoor activity, most likely involving jogging (which I hate) and weight lifting (which I don't like anymore than I like jogging). You're lucky I worry about what my parents would think of me if I hauled ass up north with a frying pan to teach you the meaning of the same kind of pain you inflicted on those poor chickens. That's right, you're damn lucky I don't have any plans to repay you in kind for the kindness you showed your feathered friends. Of course, jail time means lots of time to read, even if it also means a good chance of a lesbian shower gang rape, followed by a possible shanking. So maybe I'd like jail. Sure I'd have to learn how to melt toothbrushes into weapons, and how to turn my most private orifices into secret purses, but maybe it would be worth it to be the one who gives you yours. God, I fvcking hate you, you stupid pot smoker. HATE YOU. Sincerely, A girl who eats chicken, but still doesn't believe in chicken torture.
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06-17-2005, 03:10 PM	#9
Cadaverous Pallor ohhhh baby Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Parental Bliss Posts: 12,364	BWAHAHAHA, hitting a chicken with a frying pan, now THAT's COMEDY. Required lame animated chicken gifs: This one's cute __________________ The second star to the right shines in the night for you
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06-17-2005, 03:10 PM	#10
Gn2Dlnd Parmmadore Jim Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Casita del Queso Posts: 3,810	A chicken in every pot! Er, other way around. Smoked chicken, anyone? Sincerely, A girl who eats chicken, but still doesn't believe in chicken torture. (to quote Miss Eliza) __________________ Does anyone still wear a hat?
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