Childhood Sexuality

[€uroMeinke]

The Brazillian thread has got me thinking about sex again - but of course in a twisted contemplative fashion...

So, our culture seems to have real issues with childhood sexuality. I believe this is another area where Kinsey came under fire since he actually interviewed children in his sex surveys. Child pornography and pedophilia are seen as inexcusable absolutes.

Yet, in my own personal experience - I recall engaging in childhood sexplay as early as age 7 (i.e. playing doctor, naked movie star, lots of nakedness, maybe some fondling, but not much else) so treating children as non-sexual people doesn't seem to hit the mark for me.

Take that, and our current culture celebrates and eroticises youth, so that we now find women who've removed the very signs of their "coming of age" (AKA pubic hair) through brazillians as somehow more sexy. Then add the usual porn of magazines like "Barely Legal" pictorials of school girls, and pre-adulthood is made even sexier.

Throw into the mix parents contributing to the sexualization of children with Build-a-whore (AKA club Libby Lu),and children's beauty pagents.

I put all this stuff together and have to ask, what messages are we really sending with this? By setting up these taboos of childhood sex, have we just created the desire to break them, or at least flirt with them? Do we really want to do our children - or this all being pretend makes it all okay? Is it any wonder there's a market for kiddie porn?

I find this schizoid nature of our culture very intriguing.

[alphabassettgrrl]

Oh, yeah, and attend a dance recital or three. It gets better. Little girls wiggling their hips at Daddy and flashing their panties because the skirts are short. Strippers in training.

I agree (just as fascinatedly) that we do have a large schizoid split here. Personally, I was an asexual child. I don't remember ever being drawn to anything remotely sexual- not pictures, not wanting to see other kids naked, nothing. I started to think there was something wrong with me. I thought, puberty will fix that, get the hormones moving.

No. Try again. Well, I learned one dynamic that needed to change- but even as a child I didn't go after little girls.

[€uroMeinke]

Originally Posted by alphabassettgrrl

No. Try again. Well, I learned one dynamic that needed to change- but even as a child I didn't go after little girls.

Heh, and almost all of my childhood sexual experiences were homosexual.

[alphabassettgrrl]

Really? Is that usual?

[€uroMeinke]

Originally Posted by alphabassettgrrl

Really? Is that usual?

I suspect it is, at least for boys - but who will allow a study to find out the real answer

[Ponine]

hmmm... see and I have tried very hard to figure out how to raise a boy that wont, forgive me for outing his father here, grow up to be a sexual predator style man, yet be accepting.

Most of my son's male role models happen to be homosexual men. Personally, I dont have issues with this.
I have more than once explained that the couples were share our lives with love each other, and they made a choice to share thier lives and home with another man, and not a woman.

I am finiky about the films and TV he watches. I dont as a rule take him to pg-13 films, and pg's rarely.
But when he sees his dad, he watches all sorts of things. Battlestar Gallactica for example. Anyone SEEN that? I mean great.. but... WOW.. thats some steam.
Why does he need to know that at SIX?!?!?

Daddy never learned, even now at 32, has not learned that no means no. And Stop means stop. Have you tried to teach that to a child? Its tough.
The child knows darm well that we're built differently, and that I have different pieces than he does, and how babies are created.

But to my dismay, he's fully aware of the mechanics of a blow job!
I dont envy my fellow parents with young girls.
I took my niece shopping for school clothes this year, and couldnt find a way not to dress her like a tramp!

She wanted to pick up boys in the mall... at 9! Becuase her friends all had boyfriends and you arent cool if you dont.
Now what is with that?? I took my sister to planned parenthood at 16.. how young will I have to take my niece?

I said in another thread I was ill and shouldnt post... I rambled. Sorry.

[Ghoulish Delight]

Interestingly, I never equated shaving/waxing with the pre-pubescent thing. For me, I'm just a visual person, and hair just obscures the view. But that may just be me.

I too remember childhood "sexplay", but it was purely mechanical. With the gift of hindsight, I eventually discovered that during those games of doctor, I was not really feeling sexually arroused at all. I simply didn't understand the concept at that age. I mean, I understood what sex was, my parents started on sex-ed so early that I don't remember a time that I didn't know. But I had no concept of the full extent of the physical reactions involved. So I really don't equate that early mechanical exploration with any sort of real sexuality. And the few times I got cought, my parents never totally flipped out, but I did get the basic talking to.

As usual, there's no magic cut-off day for all people to suddenly become sexually mature beings. Everyone's different. But I am of the belief that early exposure to REAL sexual experience has a high probability of some psychological issues. To be honest, I found my dad's porn stash at a pretty young age, and shortly after that got access to internet porn, and I know that early exposure has shaped my sexuality, not necessarily in a good way. I'm not horribly scarred by any means, but I do have issues. Maybe everyone does, but I feel mine are pretty directly traceable to my exposure to porn.

I don't know where I'm going with this. I don't know. I suppose my only real answer is that, as always, I lie somewhere in the middle. I don't think the answer is to go puritan and shelter kids from everything. But I don't think we should be buying Playboy subscriptions for 12 year olds. It lies in responsible parenting as I see it. It's a big world, and kids are going to exposed to things you don't want them to be exposed to. Everyone's job as a parent is not to shut the world out, but to instruct how to deal with the world.

As for the current trend of younger and younger sexual displays...yeah, I find it messed up. Yes, some kids will be mentally prepared for sex earlier than others, but the age of 18 is a good safe cutoff where MOST will. And if we start ignoring that, it just encourages the age of acceptability to slip younger and younger because these girls are physically ready if not mentally. Unfortunatley, I don't really see what can be done about it. I'm just continually in shock at the parents who allow it to happen. Often the same people who would be outraged if they read the Megan's Law list and saw who is in the neighborhood are bringing their little princesses to Build-a-Whore. It just baffles me. The responsibility lies with the parents, imo.

[€uroMeinke]

Originally Posted by Ghoulish Delight

I too remember childhood "sexplay", but it was purely mechanical. With the gift of hindsight, I eventually discovered that during those games of doctor, I was not really feeling sexually arroused at all .

Hmmm, for me the understanding certainly came later, but the arousal was definately there.

Originally Posted by Ghoulish Delight

I know that early exposure has shaped my sexuality, not necessarily in a good way. I'm not horribly scarred by any means, but I do have issues. Maybe everyone does, but I feel mine are pretty directly traceable to my exposure to porn.

Well, I came into this before the internet, where porn had to be mines from naughty neighbors trash. So I certainly had some exposure. I'm curious how you think that shaped your sexuality, since my experience seems different - I mean, it certainly confirmed that I like naked women best, but I think my exposure to porn didn't change me in my sexuality. Then again, perhaps that's what makes me such a voyuer . But maybe this discussion best left for the offline world.

[Ghoulish Delight]

Originally Posted by €uroMeinke

I'm curious how you think that shaped your sexuality, since my experience seems different - I mean, it certainly confirmed that I like naked women best, but I think my exposure to porn didn't change me in my sexuality. Then again, perhaps that's what makes me such a voyuer . But maybe this discussion best left for the offline world.

Yeah, I'm not sure I want to get into specifics. I think all I'll say is that I doubt I'd like what I currently like if it weren't for the ammount of exposure to porn I've had. Whether that's a good thing or bad thing, who knows.

[Cadaverous Pallor]

Take that, and our current culture celebrates and eroticises youth, so that we now find women who've removed the very signs of their "coming of age" (AKA pubic hair) through brazillians as somehow more sexy.

I don't think it's about looks - it's about feel. And without hair, I feel a whole lot more of what's going on down there. I personally don't see any connection between that and acting "youthful".

I think for men, the connection between women that shave and young girls is stronger, especially if the man has always had sex with hairy chicks. Then you get the whole forbidden fruit thing. And I'm sure some women shave ONLY because their men like it, and it doesn't do a thing for them.

I do agree with all you've said about mixed messages.

Like ABG I was basically aesexual until way late in my development. I had no interest in seeing anyone's bits....all I remember is comparing pubes at summer camp showers. And that was just "oh, I have more than you do" or whatever. No sensual context whatsoever.

Hey, I never found my parents' porn. Maybe that's why.

The challenge of raising a girl to not be a build-a-whore is something I'm kinda scared of.