Listening

[LSPoorEeyorick]

Ever take speech class? Then you know that listening is the second part of the two-party thing called "communication" One person speaks, another listens. Or perhaps it's body language, or letter-writing... but it isn't communication if there aren't two parties participating.

And I ask you: can we sit down all of the neglectful professional parties of the world and show them the speak:listen communication diagram?

Yesterday I was met with two cases of the listen-less speaking.

Heading up a work project--an awfully massive one, in size if not in notorioty at this point-- that is to go live on the day I leave to visit my family for the holidays, I'm left with very little time to do the necessary pre-holiday things. For instance, haircut. So yesterday, between my extra Saturday shift and my Christmas shopping, I got stuck scheduling my haircut with a woman at my salon who has never cut my hair before.

Now, some of you have seen my hair. It's baby-fine. It's a little thin, not in a "balding" way, I just don't have a lot of hair. And when it's layered, it does this frightening puppy-dog ear "poofy" thing at the top and it limply clings to my neck at the bottom. But a little layering is good, right, so I tell the woman that, A) I'm getting married in June so I'd like to keep it a little long, and B) the texture and quantity of my hair makes layers terribly unflattering unless you limit the layers to under an inch from longest to shortest part.

She asks me to remove my glasses, and when I get to put them back on, my hair is A) short and B) layered almost all the way up to the top, making my thin hair almost nonexistent. I politely tell her that it is not what I asked for, and she gets snotty and sort of runs away.

Fast-forward to the evening, and I'm post-hair grumpy and kind of blue. And Tom is super sore from pulling all of his extra shifts, so I suggest he gets a massage. And he suggests that I get a massage. And yes! Little Miss Sunshine is playing a block away and we've been wanting to see it again! The universe wants us to do this!

I manage to get the sterotypical muscley, butch eastern european woman who asks me "medium or hard?" I say medium. She goes hard. So much so that I'm actually screaming. We're talking continual searing pain, and when I suggest that I'm in a lot of pain, she says "s'ok s'ok s'ok." When I keep expressing that, no, I'm in an uncomfortable, unusual amount of pain, she keeps saying "relax." RELAX? Are you using razorblades? What are you doing? I decide to do lamaze breathing exercises, because perhaps this amount of mind-numbing pain is good for me.

By the end of the session, it becomes clear that something is very wrong. Everything that should have loosened up-- and I didn't feel so bad to begin with-- now has limited mobility. I can't really turn my head. It turns out, according to my sweet former-physical-therapist mother-in-law, that I have sensitive blood vessels, and in an excess of pressure, they delivered an excess of fluid and broke, flooding my neck, my forearms, my legs, my butt, with pockets of internal bleeding. If you look at any of those parts of my body right now, you can actually see the huge red bumps. So much for Little Miss Sunshine. Or sitting comfortably at my desk for the remaining five days before my project ends.

So, what I'm saying here, is... people should listen. When someone is paying for something like a haircut or a massage, their requests should be heeded if possible. It is their hair, their body, and they've lived with it for... in my case, 27 years. So if I say that my hair is fine and my body is in pain, I just don't want to end up with a thinned-out bob and a goose egg the size and color of Mars on my neck.

How about you guys? Do you ever struggle with professionals and their listening capabilities? Tell me I'm not alone, here...

[RStar]

Nope, sorry. You're alone here. Everyone I've spoken to has listened and done just what I asked.


























Not.

[Strangler Lewis]

Beg pardon?

No, you're not alone. However, "medium" means different things to different folks, such as chefs at Thai and Szechuan restaurants and, apparently, butch masseuses. From what I've seen, hair stylists, especially at trendy places, are a petulant and easily bored lot, even if they've cut your hair before.

[LSPoorEeyorick]

The "medium" is one thing. I was more concerned about her listening to me when I was screaming, crying, and telling her that I was in an extreme amount of pain and did not like it. In retrospect, I should have stood up and left the room.

I know that not all hairdressers have listening problems. Just some of them. I am curious to know our resident hairdresser's take on it. Wendy?

[Motorboat Cruiser]

So sorry that you had to have such a bad day, Heidi.

And yes, after spending the last 6 months repeatedly explaining to the post office that no, I haven't moved, so they can stop sending mail back to the sender, I can say that I've had plenty of experience with people not listening.

I've been told it is my fault, that there is no problem, and that everything looks just fine, over and over, ad nauseum. Then, I will put a movie in my netflix queue, it will show that it has shipped, and a few days later, it will show that it has been returned to them. I've been down to the post office, I've talked with every supervisor, right on up to the postmaster's office, and even the department of consumer affairs, and I still can't get my mail.

So yes, I relate.

[€uroMeinke]

I think this is why we pick and stick with the professionals as much as we are able. When you find a hairdresser you like, you stick with them, same with health care professionals - though the contemporary model is breaking one's ability to do this. Often the skills required most are not the one's related to the given profession.

I'll let Lisa tell the story of the "Tissue" we experienced last night for our own recent communication hell.

[Not Afraid]

UGH! Tissue. Something so simple becomes such an issue.

We went to a party last night that incuded a nice (as opposed to tacky) gift exchange but the cost had to be under $10. We decided to go to the Z Gallerie and pick up stuff from their upstairs sale floor. I had brought with me some christmas gift bags and festive tissue paper so I could wrap in the car on the way to the party.

With 24 minutes max on our meter and a parking citation vehicle roaming the streets, we found two appropriate gifts, rushed down stairs to the slowest check out ever and bought our stuff. I explained that a) we had about 3 minutes left on our meter and b) I didn't need these things wrapped up because I was just going to wrap them for a party in the car. BUT, If they could give me some tissue, that would be great.

Apparently, that was a very difficult task I requested them to undertake. I had to reitterate what I wanted about 20 times (saying the word "tissue" WAAAAY too many times) and they STILL wrapped stuff in heavy paper that I didn't want.

[wendybeth]

Originally Posted by LSPoorEeyorick

The "medium" is one thing. I was more concerned about her listening to me when I was screaming, crying, and telling her that I was in an extreme amount of pain and did not like it. In retrospect, I should have stood up and left the room.

I know that not all hairdressers have listening problems. Just some of them. I am curious to know our resident hairdresser's take on it. Wendy?

I don't think there is a career field on this earth that doesn't have it's non-listeners. (Doctors, anyone?) I think when it comes to hairstylists, they act as Strangler describes because many of them have either an inflated sense of ability or self, or they truly did not understand what the person wanted. I don't know many people who get up in the morning and say "I want to really **** up someones hair! Those that do don't stay in business long. The stylist should have rephrased LS's request and visually held up her hair, indicating where the layers would occur according to her understanding. I always trust that people know their own hair and try never to just do what I think would look best, although I will offer suggestions. ("Uhm, a mullett would just make you look a bit Eighties...")

I must say in our defense that there are LOTS of people who do not or will not communicate what they would like, or who refuse to take our advice when we suggest that the haircut/color, etc they are requesting would not work for them. Just this week I had two such people, both who were adament in their choices and who called back later saying they wanted to change the style. This really pisses me off because I was very clear about the fact that I knew they would not be happy and tried very hard to steer them away from their decisions, and I also cautioned them that this is the busiest time of year for us and it would be nearly impossible to get them back in should they change their minds. Of course, being a total pushover I skipped lunch two times to fit them in, but I was not a happy girl.

LS, did they make you pay? They should not have, and they should also have offered you prods to help with the styling of your new do at no charge.

[MickeyD]

Ugh.... I'm reminded of the time I went to get my hair cut, and there was a bit of a language barrier between the hair stylist and myself. Somehow she interpreted my saying "I want long layers around my face" (as I gestured from my chin on down, my hair was much longer then) as "I want bangs." After the first cut, I was like, NOOO, but of course, it was too late. I spent quite a bit on barrettes that year.

Now, the person who cuts my hair is the same person who has cut it for the past 5 or so years. She knows what I like. She knows how my hair is. She knows what looks good on me. She knows what I will and won't do to style my hair. I swear she knows me and my hair better than I know myself. Of course, I pay her more for one haircut than I used to pay for a year of haircuts...but it's sooo worth it. She'll never ever think I'm asking her to give me bangs...



The other night I had a waitress that definitely wasn't listening....I asked for a filet cooked "medium," but it came "well done." Ick.

[Alex]

You all make me glad I don't really give a dang what my hair looks like and thus have never had my hair cut by the same person twice nor been particularly upset by any haircut I've had (worst case, three weeks later it is pretty much back to where it always is).

The first haircut I got after moving to Hawaii I just walked into a place with barber chairs. I was gestured to a chair and the woman never asked what I wanted. She just cut my hair. I handed her money at the end she gave me change and I left.

Never spoke a word and I have no idea if she even spoke English.

My entire job is explaining things to people and listening to them explain what they want. So I have many examples of people not listening.

But I find that it is rarely just a matter of not listening but most often a combination of not thinking well. And the poor thinking is usually bilateral.