The unexamined life

[scaeagles]

.....is not worth living. Or so said Socrates.

I have just come from a funeral (of the surgeon who performed my first surgery in April 2005, and died this past Saturday). While I realize funerals are to focus on and remember the good in the life of the deceased, I am amazed and feeling completely underwhelmed with my existance at present. I would have expected to know some of these things, as my my wife taught of three of his children when they were in the 6th grade, but I knew none of them, as he was a very humble man who wasn't interested personal accolades.

He led medical and charitable trips to Bolivia twice a year for the last 10 years (prior to the onset of his illness), often at great personal expense. He spent 4 days a month volunteering at an inner city clinic. Those are just the major things....I won't go into the minutia of his charitable actions.

This has led to to the realization that I suck.

I don't have the medical or surgical skills he did, and I don't have the resources to fund trips overseas. But I sure as hell have more that I can give of myself, even to my family.

I could go into all the things I should do and can do, but that list would be too long.

I hope the post funeral emotions don't subside. I don't want to suck.

[wendybeth]

I'm going to start volunteering with Tori this summer, probably at a women's shelter. I agree- I want to do more than just donate money to causes, and I want Tori to want to do the same.

[€uroMeinke]

As much as mortality sucks - and I've been thinking about this a lot lately what with the recent illness of my mom, Dexter and deaths of friends and family - it still is something that forces us to make our lives meaningful. We seldom get chances to revisit past decisions, so we have to make sure the one's we make count. The blessing is the present still can be a blank slate and you take your life in a completely new direction at any moment. Carpe Diem - make yourself proud.

[Strangler Lewis]

One Father's Day years ago, I got my dad a wall plaque with the following:

Success
Bessie Anderson Stanley (1904)

"He has achieved success who has lived well, laughed often, and loved much;

who has enjoyed the trust of pure women, the respect of intelligent men and the love of little children;

who has filled his niche and accomplished his task;

who has left the world better than he found it whether by an improved poppy, a perfect poem or a rescued soul;

who has never lacked appreciation of Earth's beauty or failed to express it;

who has always looked for the best in others and given them the best he had;

whose life was an inspiration;
whose memory a benediction."

We all suck. Your surgeon friend probably thought he sucked in ways that were not apparent to you. If he didn't, then his life was not worth living.

[Not Afraid]

As long as you are doing the things that you feel make "the world a better place" then you don't suck. Now, if you're sucking the life out of all your friends, family and co-workers....well, you suck.

I don't do a lot of "BIG" things. And, the things I DO do, someone else may not find important (think cats, leo), but you can't be everything to everybody. You have to be happy with yourself first.

[Not Afraid]

Here's a timely story......sort of.

[blueerica]

I know I don't know you that well, sca, but I do remember you saying that you've coached basketball. Coaches have the opportunity to impact their community directly and regularly at the local level. What these boys learn from you will carry them through their lifetimes, much like what they learn from their parents and family members. That's incredibly powerful.

I've thought about my own life and have wondered what I can do "more." I just have to realize that I can only do what I do when I can do it - whether it's comforting a co-worker, helping friends or family, donating my time at a soup kitchen, planting trees, cleaning up parks, etc. I've done it all - not regularly, but every little thing we do, every moment we spend in our lives is a chance to make a positive impact - something I try to not take for granted (even though I do.)

[AllyOops!]

First of all, you DON'T suck. You post amongst good people, correct? O.J. sucks. Manson sucks. Scaeagles does NOT.

While your surgeon friend that passed away sounds like a remarkable & wonderful man, I'm sure that he, too, went through his period of doubts. Every person does. And consider this- if the world was filled with only surgeons, and that was our only job, how would the world even continue to operate? We ALL serve a purpose. We all have roles to fullfill & tasks to do that have a meaningful place in this world.

The girl at the tanning salon, the girl who operates the register at my favorite clothing boutiques, the good people of T Mobile. Maybe the jobs that they have don't sound very exciting or glamourous, but they sure add meaning to my life. I need 'em! And those are just the little fun things in life! We all need each other for something.

Volunteer work is always good for the Soul.

The anniversary of my late best friend's death will be on Monday. It will be 5 years! My late boyfriend died shortly after, followed by another friend the very next week. My Mom was suffering from a deadly form a cancer (THANK GOD she beat it!). During that time, I was inconsolable. Lost. I found myself wondering why I was allowed to continue living here on earth. What was my plan? My late best friend & late boyfriend had so much to offer the world! Talent, brains, beauty, the whole package. I certainly didn't have those things! Why am I here? Then, as my grief enveloped me, I found myself "feeling left out" that I had been left behind. If everybody I love got to die & go to Heaven, why not me? Why couldn't I join? That was when I knew that I needed help. However, I continued to bottle up my feelings (because, you know, I considered that "strong" at the time) years down the line as more deaths occured, self medicating & numbing myself to any & all feelings. I'm really pleased to say now that I no longer feel that way, nor do I recklessy numb myself anymore, and I love living my life & am grateful to be here each & every day! My faith is what keeps me alive.

Having said that, I DO always think that I suck. I'm a perfectionist & I'm hyper critical of myself. In my mind, I am never good enough. I can do much better. That drive pushes me, but it also defeats me at times and drains me of my energy.

Okay, I'm done pontificating. Hang in there!

[Cadaverous Pallor]

What Blueerica said about coaching. Definitely. I used to work with kids and I found that very rewarding. My current job involves helping my community in a small way, but it's enough that I feel involved in people's lives.

You most certainly do not suck...at least, you suck as much as any of us do, if not less.

[Ghoulish Delight]

Originally Posted by Cadaverous Pallor

You most certainly do not suck...

That's not what I've heard...

I don't spend much time pondering my legacy or impact. I just try to work hard, do the best with the opportunities I'm presented with, and be a positive person in the lives of the people I know. I know I'm not cut out to be a great humanitarian or crusader for anything. I appreciate and admire those that are, but they certainly don't need (nor would the particularly want) my help. I prefer to exist in the small scale.