*sigh* teenagers

[blueerica]

So, I'm having my own teenaged crisis at the moment. I currently have two teenagers in my possession, and plans I have paid for tonight. Yikes!

The issues have too many specifics to get into, but... **SIGH**

Can I *headdesk* now?

[BarTopDancer]

If they want to move furniture, boxes and clean I'll take em

[blueerica]

Oh that's right. I think you can have them this weekend...

[BarTopDancer]

That was last weekend... I just meant tonight.

This weekend I will be doing things that they are not yet old enough to partake in.

[Kevy Baby]

We're lucky: when the Rent-A-Child visited with us over the summer, she paid her rent by cleaning. It was wonderful!

[Tref]

One word: saltpeter.

[Nephythys]

Originally Posted by Kevy Baby

Actually, in reading this whole thread, I believe you have reacted beautifully! It is a very difficult situation for you. I think most of us know the history you've had with D and in reading how you have handled this, I can honestly say that I see TREMENDOUS growth in you from just a couple of years ago. Kudos to you!!!

Thanks-my efforts at talking to him today did not go well (more on that later when I am not emotionally fried)- but in the old days I would have persisted it right into a fight. Today I let him go after saying some of my mind- and I stepped back to cool off because I am really upset right now.

I'm trying-is it November yet? I need some Disneyland-

Originally Posted by BarTopDancer

Only on LoT can a group of non parents dispense advice about a situation involving kids to a parent and not be ridiculed/talked down to because they don't have kids.

Cool.

And people say LoT is snobby/pretentious.

Sometimes being a small close community is a good thing (ok, I think it IS a great thing) and I am glad to be a part of it. Really- thanks- everyone!

I need a nap

[Mousey Girl]

Originally Posted by BarTopDancer

Only on LoT can a group of non parents dispense advice about a situation involving kids to a parent and not be ridiculed/talked down to because they don't have kids.

Cool.

And people say LoT is snobby/pretentious.

You've never been married/divorced either, but you have helped me a great deal.

[tracilicious]

Honestly? I think you might be overreacting. Sexuality is a very normal part of being human. Even though legally he is still a minor, he already has adult sexual urges. I think by forbidding it you might add an element of shame that our culture could really do without.

I understand that you might like him to be more discreet. Though, in that situation I think I would want to do some soul searching as to what was making me uncomfortable. My kids coming into their own (no pun intended)? Shame my parents downloaded onto me? Concerns for safety/risk? Is it that he isn't married/my own views of how sex "should" be?

How would you feel about him having sex in your house if he were 20 and visiting home with his girlfriend? Why is it different because he is two years younger and living at home?

I think that Kevy was right in saying once sex has started it isn't going to stop. Taking an authoritarian stance and forbidding it is only going to promote sneaking around. I think I would want honest communication. Let him know that he isn't wrong, the desire for sex at his age is completely normal, and have an open talk about the risks and how best to avoid them.

[Nephythys]

Originally Posted by tracilicious

Honestly? I think you might be overreacting. Sexuality is a very normal part of being human. Even though legally he is still a minor, he already has adult sexual urges. I think by forbidding it you might add an element of shame that our culture could really do without.

I understand that you might like him to be more discreet. Though, in that situation I think I would want to do some soul searching as to what was making me uncomfortable. My kids coming into their own (no pun intended)? Shame my parents downloaded onto me? Concerns for safety/risk? Is it that he isn't married/my own views of how sex "should" be?

How would you feel about him having sex in your house if he were 20 and visiting home with his girlfriend? Why is it different because he is two years younger and living at home?

I think that Kevy was right in saying once sex has started it isn't going to stop. Taking an authoritarian stance and forbidding it is only going to promote sneaking around. I think I would want honest communication. Let him know that he isn't wrong, the desire for sex at his age is completely normal, and have an open talk about the risks and how best to avoid them.

I have not forbidden sex- but I can certainly forbid it in my house if I am not comfortable with it- especially with the younger kids. In fact I said explicitly that I do not want lies and sneaking around- but again- it's my home and if I want him to be more discreet and certainly not do such things when we are home- I can ask that.

So far the discussion has been about risks etc- very open- but today tense and unpleasant.

Nothing about me is authoritarian-