No day but today...

Gemini Cricket · 12-22-2007, 09:39 PM

A couple of years after coming out of the closet, I felt really, really alone. You know, alone? After leaving the safety zone of college and the comfort it provided, I had a tight group of friends, but I wasn't close with anyone who was gay. And a boyfriend was about two years in the future for me.

I lost my virginity in college after shooting a stage show fund raiser at a hotel in Anaheim. He and I finished our camera work for the stage show and fvcked each other's brains out in one of the hotel rooms. It was exhilarating.
But I guess I still felt empty afterwards.

The media was pounding everyone with images of people dying of AIDS and I felt like I was in constant mourning about acquaintances dying left and right. I lost someone who had helped me come out of the closet and felt helpless and damaged.

But a change was coming.

Being the freak I was about Steven Spielberg, I devoured anything that had his name attached. And when one of Dreamworks' first CDs came out I grabbed it without knowing anything about it.

It was the soundtrack for a new Broadway musical called "Rent".

I was absolutely blown the fvck out of the water. For once in my life I heard a love song between two men ("I'll Cover You) and a sort-of love song between two women ("Take Me of Leave Me"). It held strength in its words and felt empowered listening to it.

In the musical, people were celebrating themselves while the world seemed to be falling apart around them. I realized instantly that I was one of them. I finally felt okay about me.

When I had a chance to see it on stage at the Ahmanson's Theatre in LA, I was once again blown out of the water. Not the original cast, but a good one. Wilson Cruz was a wonderful Angel. After shaking his hand backstage, he got a call from Broadway that he was going to play Angel there. It was such a cool moment.

Like "Hair" impacted a generation, "Rent" had an impact on mine. It has a very special place in my heart.

The movie wasn't the best, but it was a chance for me to see a majority of the original cast in action. It was nice. (I'm watching it right now.)

A couple of days ago, after a long time not listening to the original soundtrack, I dusted it off and indulged once again. It still holds the same power for me now as it did back then.

Now, every so often, I'm going to take a break at the Life Cafe and enjoy life and everything in general. It's also a wonderful reminder to myself that there's an artist still living in this body somewhere.

So right now, I just wanted to share some of what I'm feeling right now. The positive vibes and the happy I'm experiencing.

Cheers, y'all.

La vie boheme!

innerSpaceman · 12-22-2007, 10:08 PM

I wish I'd seen the show. Hated the movie. Love that the piece helped you out.

Kevy Baby · 12-23-2007, 09:11 AM

Great post GC. I think we all strive for something to identify with - our own Rent in life.

3894 · 12-23-2007, 09:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by innerSpaceman

I wish I'd seen the show. Hated the movie. Love that the piece helped you out.

Ditto.

innerSpaceman · 12-23-2007, 09:51 AM

and la vie boheme indeed!

Hazzah to the happy and positive vibes!

Hazzah to releasing the artist within!

I love you, Gemini Cricket!!

Cadaverous Pallor · 12-23-2007, 11:23 AM

Stories and music that speak to us are invaluable friends. We've all had our moment of finding something powerful in something someone else created. It's a flash of truth that clears away the clouds of self-doubt. We all crave to find others that feel as we do and know an even better way to look at it.

I'm so glad you found that in Rent.

RStar · 12-23-2007, 03:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by innerSpaceman

I wish I'd seen the show. Hated the movie. Love that the piece helped you out.

Really? I've only seen the movie, and liked it. The play must be wonderful then!

innerSpaceman · 12-23-2007, 03:42 PM

Maybe we could put on our own revival. Gemini Cricket could play one of the leads, and we will cast gay swankers in all the other gay roles.

alphabassettgrrl · 12-25-2007, 10:37 PM

Odd sometimes where we can find comfort, isn't it? I'm glad you found something. I'll have to check it out.

Ponine · 12-26-2007, 09:25 AM

Thank you GC.

I had friends in L.A. that had told me about the show, how powerful it was... then it went to NY, and they happened to be there.
Being huge Broadway musical fan, and a fruit fly from the word go, I was sent a sweatshirt from Broadway, a CD of my very own, and a video of press footage that included a note, "Tell no one where you got this"

I was in love.

I wanted to be Mimi, all encompassing. Unfortunaltley, there is far too much of me to be a convincing drug addict.
So, I settled for Joanne. But with no one looking, I can still belt the hell out of Mimi.
I learned La Boheme in HS and college, so the story was easy for me to follow. Figuring out the intricacies was the hardest part.

All the men were powerful singers, and for me thats a huge part of loving any musical.

The story of Angel and Collins, thier love, and subsequnetly, thier loss, was very importatnt to me at the time.
I had just found out my dearest friend, and love in the world was HIV positive. I know, its not a death sentance anymore. Still.
It doesnt change the fact that I was upset that he had known for four years, and not told me.

To this day, I cannot hear "I'll Cover You Reprise" with out feeling the pang, and I cannot see that number live without weeping. I fear that someday I will be in that same place, and I do NOT look forward to it.

It had a very different impact and my reasons for loving it are different, but I'm right there with you GC.
I've now seen the show five times. Not enough to make me a true rent-head. But enough to know when its being done right.

12-22-2007, 09:39 PM	#1
Gemini Cricket ... Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 13,244	No day but today... A couple of years after coming out of the closet, I felt really, really alone. You know, alone? After leaving the safety zone of college and the comfort it provided, I had a tight group of friends, but I wasn't close with anyone who was gay. And a boyfriend was about two years in the future for me. I lost my virginity in college after shooting a stage show fund raiser at a hotel in Anaheim. He and I finished our camera work for the stage show and fvcked each other's brains out in one of the hotel rooms. It was exhilarating. But I guess I still felt empty afterwards. The media was pounding everyone with images of people dying of AIDS and I felt like I was in constant mourning about acquaintances dying left and right. I lost someone who had helped me come out of the closet and felt helpless and damaged. But a change was coming. Being the freak I was about Steven Spielberg, I devoured anything that had his name attached. And when one of Dreamworks' first CDs came out I grabbed it without knowing anything about it. It was the soundtrack for a new Broadway musical called "Rent". I was absolutely blown the fvck out of the water. For once in my life I heard a love song between two men ("I'll Cover You) and a sort-of love song between two women ("Take Me of Leave Me"). It held strength in its words and felt empowered listening to it. In the musical, people were celebrating themselves while the world seemed to be falling apart around them. I realized instantly that I was one of them. I finally felt okay about me. When I had a chance to see it on stage at the Ahmanson's Theatre in LA, I was once again blown out of the water. Not the original cast, but a good one. Wilson Cruz was a wonderful Angel. After shaking his hand backstage, he got a call from Broadway that he was going to play Angel there. It was such a cool moment. Like "Hair" impacted a generation, "Rent" had an impact on mine. It has a very special place in my heart. The movie wasn't the best, but it was a chance for me to see a majority of the original cast in action. It was nice. (I'm watching it right now.) A couple of days ago, after a long time not listening to the original soundtrack, I dusted it off and indulged once again. It still holds the same power for me now as it did back then. Now, every so often, I'm going to take a break at the Life Cafe and enjoy life and everything in general. It's also a wonderful reminder to myself that there's an artist still living in this body somewhere. So right now, I just wanted to share some of what I'm feeling right now. The positive vibes and the happy I'm experiencing. Cheers, y'all. La vie boheme!
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12-22-2007, 10:08 PM	#2
innerSpaceman Kink of Swank Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Inner Space Posts: 13,075	I wish I'd seen the show. Hated the movie. Love that the piece helped you out.
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12-23-2007, 09:11 AM	#3
Kevy Baby Chowder Head Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Yes Posts: 18,500	Great post GC. I think we all strive for something to identify with - our own Rent in life. __________________ The thing about quotes on the internet is that you cannot verify their validity. - Abraham Lincoln
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12-23-2007, 09:51 AM	#5
innerSpaceman Kink of Swank Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Inner Space Posts: 13,075	and la vie boheme indeed! Hazzah to the happy and positive vibes! Hazzah to releasing the artist within! I love you, Gemini Cricket!!
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12-23-2007, 11:23 AM	#6
Cadaverous Pallor ohhhh baby Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Parental Bliss Posts: 12,364	Stories and music that speak to us are invaluable friends. We've all had our moment of finding something powerful in something someone else created. It's a flash of truth that clears away the clouds of self-doubt. We all crave to find others that feel as we do and know an even better way to look at it. I'm so glad you found that in Rent. __________________ The second star to the right shines in the night for you
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12-23-2007, 03:42 PM	#8
innerSpaceman Kink of Swank Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Inner Space Posts: 13,075	Maybe we could put on our own revival. Gemini Cricket could play one of the leads, and we will cast gay swankers in all the other gay roles.
	Submit to Quotes

12-25-2007, 10:37 PM	#9
alphabassettgrrl Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 4,978	Odd sometimes where we can find comfort, isn't it? I'm glad you found something. I'll have to check it out. __________________ Why cycling? Anything [sport] that had to do with a ball, I wasn't very good at. -Lance Armstrong
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12-26-2007, 09:25 AM	#10
Ponine Virgin Ears Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: San Diego Posts: 2,075	Thank you GC. I had friends in L.A. that had told me about the show, how powerful it was... then it went to NY, and they happened to be there. Being huge Broadway musical fan, and a fruit fly from the word go, I was sent a sweatshirt from Broadway, a CD of my very own, and a video of press footage that included a note, "Tell no one where you got this" I was in love. I wanted to be Mimi, all encompassing. Unfortunaltley, there is far too much of me to be a convincing drug addict. So, I settled for Joanne. But with no one looking, I can still belt the hell out of Mimi. I learned La Boheme in HS and college, so the story was easy for me to follow. Figuring out the intricacies was the hardest part. All the men were powerful singers, and for me thats a huge part of loving any musical. The story of Angel and Collins, thier love, and subsequnetly, thier loss, was very importatnt to me at the time. I had just found out my dearest friend, and love in the world was HIV positive. I know, its not a death sentance anymore. Still. It doesnt change the fact that I was upset that he had known for four years, and not told me. To this day, I cannot hear "I'll Cover You Reprise" with out feeling the pang, and I cannot see that number live without weeping. I fear that someday I will be in that same place, and I do NOT look forward to it. It had a very different impact and my reasons for loving it are different, but I'm right there with you GC. I've now seen the show five times. Not enough to make me a true rent-head. But enough to know when its being done right. __________________ There's something strange, There's something wrong. I see a change - It's like when love dies.
	Submit to Quotes