Evil Roy

[Gemini Cricket]

Evil Roy
by: me

Having a whole week to myself before I started a new job, I decided to take some time and think. I often find myself reading short stories and discover that people seem to encounter life experienced characters dwelling tentatively on park benches. So, I found one to plant my behind on.
The noonday sun smiled down on me as I sat on a park bench at Moorpark Park. Had I but known that the smile was more of a knowing grin.
Without warning, I turned to my left and there was Evil Roy sitting next to me. Where did he come from? No idea.
"Revenge is at hand." He said.
I looked at the man at my side. He was about 60 years old, grey hair with a face that had more creases in it than a kilt. He wore a black cloak. You know, the kind you'd see Anakin Skywalker ironing minutes before leaving his apartment to murder 10 year old Jedi wannabes. The menace on the bench had a shoe box resting on his lap.
"Really?" I asked. I decided to fore go responses like 'I'm sorry?' or 'Are you speaking to me?' etc because I heard him and he was clearly talking to me.
"Yes." He said waving his whithered hand over his shoe box grandly. He laughed into the sleeve of his other arm.
"Brad." I said offering a hand.
The man produced a small can of Lysol from his robe pocket and gave my extended hand a spray. After that, he shook it. It felt like I was shaking hands with five pieces of beef jerky.
"I am Evil Roy." He said.
"You need lotion, Evil Roy." I said.
"I'm dehydrated." He replied.
"Yes." I confirmed.
There was a long pause as Roy scanned the trees above for onlookers.
"So, what's the plan, Roy?!" I asked loudly hopefully bringing the man back to Earth.
"Later this afternoon, there is going to be a wedding at this park." Roy said whispering in my ear. His voice sounded like cracked mud. "The entire wedding party and guests will be dressed in their finest white clothing."
Roy paused and nodded at me knowingly. Except I wasn't picking up what he was throwing down and was glad I didn't.
"Fool." Roy said. He stood clutching his box and took two prancing laps around our park bench. After he was done, he sat again. He motioned for me to come closer to him so the beings in the trees could not hear us. He cracked open his box. "Look. Loooook!"
I looked in the cardboard container labeled "New Balance". Sitting at the bottom of the man's treasure chest were a number of melted mini Snickers bars.
Slapping the box closed, he cackled into his sleeve.
"It's sheer brilliance and you know it is sheer brilliance." He laughed.
Evil Roy saw my gaze. It was a look of confusion, amusement and boredom all wrapped together with duct tape.
"Oh she'll walk. She'll walk with that reptile on her arm. Maybe she'll be smiling, maybe there will be a tear running down that face of hers. Oh yes. And there stands prince charming watching her walk down the aisle. Maybe a squirrel will make a noise in the tree above and her mother will give it a disapproving look from her soaked handkerchief. Maybe. Some priest will be standing there hoping to see some bride skin as she saunters towards him. Maybe a leg, he'd settle for an ankle. The bride and groom meet, he looks at her with his lacquered smile and twinkling eyes and she returns the favor with her big teeth and cow eyes. They'll think that I will wait to strike at the cliche moment 'let them speak now' etc, no I will act on 'dearly beloved'. Yes, at the beginning, Evil Roy will strike."
I watched Roy closely as his carefully laid out plans unfurled before me like a piece of fabric freeing itself from a bolt.
"No one will see it coming. I will appear from behind that tree and shower the happy couple with melted Snickers bars. It will pelt them like machine gun fire raining down on them on Normandie Beach. Chocolate spatters on his rented tuxedo, chocolate spatters on her mother's lace wedding frock, spatters all over the white orchid bouquet. They'll fall to the ground, he'll try to shield her getting grass stains on her back. But I won't stop. Before the fuzz arrives, I will make my way into the bushes and leap into that stream over yonder. I will swim to safety and climb out of the ravine by CBS Studios where my 1996 Honda Civic waits. I will drive to safety and eat at a nearby Taco Bell. I will laugh into my burrito until the fillings shoot out the other end."
Evil Roy fell to his knees and shook his fists at the sky after he finished his story.
After awhile of watching Roy consume the grass at my feet by the fist full, I broke the stale silence.
"You know, the water in the river's only about two inches deep. I wouldn't dive into it if I were you." I said.
"A mere speed bump in my plan, young man. I will not fail." Evil Roy collected himself and his box and ran to the nearest tree and hid behind it so that I couldn't see him. He checked a couple of times to see if I had seen where he went.
I stood from the bench and walked my way through the park. I crossed at a nearby stoplight and went into a sandwich store and bought a sub. From the store window I could see a white van park on the street near the park. The van's side was ablaze with the words "Ellie's Flowers" written in cursive. Ellie appeared from the driver's side ashing her cigar as she spread the back doors to her van open. She lugged a large white bouquet out from the back. Lillies of the Valley and gardenias. Nice.
From where I stood I could have sworn I heard laughter. I had never looked forward to a wedding before with such anticipation in my whole life.

[Deebs]

Giggling at your clever narrative, I couldn't love you more.

And can't give you more Mojo, damn it!

[JWBear]

[BDBopper]

[innerSpaceman]

You have too much time on your hands.




Maybe take a part-time in the meantime.

[CoasterMatt]

I can't help but imagining "Evil Roy" being portrayed by "Deep Roy"

[Gemini Cricket]

Originally Posted by innerSpaceman

You have too much time on your hands.

To quote zapppop:
"Pfft."

[LSPoorEeyorick]

This is probably my favorite piece of yours I've yet read. Clever, sly, funny, quirky, bat****... all the things that make for good fiction.

I... hope... it's fiction...

[Gemini Cricket]

It's fiction.
I can see Moorpark Park from the front of my apt complex. The idea came to me while I waited for Bornieo* to pick me up from my apt to go to DL. I sat in front of the apt complex and watched people at the park.
I've seen weddings, dog shows, ren faire meetings and plays take place at the small quirky park in the past.

*And before Bornieo posts it, I will say that Roy is not based on Bornieo.

[lashbear]

Is there a scat metaphor in there I'm missing ?