Why ScottMc hates ferrets

[SzczerbiakManiac]

This site has an interview with ScottMc. I guess he's some poker player, I don't follow that field, so I neither know nor care.

But, he has a very funny/horrifying story that led him to claim he hates ferrets.

Q: Tell us a little known fact about yourself.

Scott: I hate Ferrets...

Let me give you the details and when I finish I want you all to know that you are now apart of my family and cannot use this against me.

Back in 1991 I owned a Ferret named Sampson. He was one of the best pets I every owned and would go everywhere with me. Sampson roamed freely about my room and would often sleep on the edge of my bed in a pile of blankets. We played a game where I would dangle a sock filled with other socks in front of it and he would jump and attack it.

One day after coming home from Football practice I was getting showered and dressed for work. I was drying off in my room and had put my foot up on the end of the bed where Sampson was sleeping and was drying off the family jewels. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed a quick flash of movement which was followed by a searing horrible pain. Sampson had jumped and attached himself to the end of my penis with his teeth and front claws and was clamped down. My reaction was swift but stupid as I grabbed my pet from my genitals and ripped him away. As I did I watched a crimson liquid stream gush from my privates... Sampson has lacerated my cöck.

Now as an 18 year old boy I was holding in my hands the one thing that was more important to me than anything else... my d¡ck.

When I snapped from my frozen in fear state I managed to get my man meat cleaned off enough to see the true damage, it was bad. There was a ¼ inch deep ½ inch long GASH on the head of my pecker. Along with this were some very nice claw marks on my shaft. Now I am sure the blood wasn't flowing as bad as I remember it now but at the time I thought a major artery was hit, I did the only thing a man of my age and dilemma can do... I screamed out for my MOMMY!!!

My mother came rushing to my aid to find me standing naked in a room with only a bloody towel covering my privates and her little boy screaming like his arm had been cut off slowly by a rusty chainsaw. I managed to blubber out in my half crying half out of breath state that,

"Sampson has bitten my D¡ck off!"

To which the first woman in my life to ever love me responded back with,

"Dear GOD what were you trying to do to that animal!" and then busted out laughing so hard I thought she was going to fall over.

So there I was standing at the most vulnerable I ever was in my life and the only person I had to help me was the woman that had changed my diapers as a kid... and she was belly laughing at me. My mother paused to take a breath and asked to see it which, yet again froze me in a trance like fear.

"Honey I have seen it before, I use to clean it with Vaseline and gauze and gave you baths, it is not something that I am going to be shocked by"

Reluctantly I dropped my towel and showed my mother my injury. While I was not bleeding as bad as I was at first I was still bleeding and there was a very sizeable gash that was open. My mother told me it also looked like the rip when all the way to the very tip of my baby maker and that we needed to go to the ER to get stitches... then she started laughing again and left the room.

I pulled on some sweats and stuffed the front with a towel and a bag of ice and off to the ER we went. After about 30 minutes of waiting in the obviously busiest ER in the USA and having every single person stare at me ANNNNDDDD had to tell my mother to stop telling total strangers what had happened and laughing with them at ME while we waited I was called to the back to be looked at... by a female nurse, with my mother.

As my Mom relayed the story to the nurse I was hoping I would get some sympathy, this was crushed by the now TWO women standing in front of my laughing. Once the nurse finished laughing she started cleaning the wound. Of course with the area of the wound being where it was and me being a 18 year old boy and her being a fairly attractive young nurse nature took over and gave her a big ole HELLO and HOW ARE YOU in the form of a massive erection. This was the only point in the chain of events I was quite proud of right up until I realized my mother was standing right there.

"Oh my Goodness, SCOTT can't you behave. I am so sorry that he did that. It use to happen all the time when he was a kid and I was giving him bathes. The best way to get it to stop is to just flick it real hard on the tip" Said my loving dear Mother, right before she reached out and flicked my dead on the end of my Johnson.

I screamed in agony as pain shot right through me. So loud in fact that it caused several other nurses to come and see what was going on. The nurse that was cleaning was now laughing so hard she couldn't talk and my mother was sitting there reloading her flicking finger. With the help of a male doctor they finally got me called down and under control but by now my pride was destroyed. The doctor told me I would need 2 stitches to close the gash near the tip but that the area for the most part would recover fully. He told me he would do the stitches himself and would send in someone else to prep me. Finally getting some male help I relaxed. My embarrassment was fading away and I was not as freaked out, right up until the new female nurse came in with the suture tray and the "local" she was going to inject in my to numb the area.

"This is only going hurt for a second; it will feel like a little pinch"

[Cadaverous Pallor]

Lordy. One hell of a story.



I guess the moral is - don't train your pet to attack something that looks just like your private parts.

[Moonliner]

I wonder what he really was doing with that Ferret.

[JWBear]

I'm in tears!

[SacTown Chronic]

He was masturbating! He was masturbating!

[alphabassettgrrl]

Too funny!!

[SzczerbiakManiac]

I just noticed the embedded (and totally unrelated) video on that same page called "David After dentist". Be sure to check that out too.

[second class citizen]

Notice, he never mentions what happened to the ferret.

[SacTown Chronic]

I don't want to know what happens when a ferret acquires a taste for human penis.