Could you forgive someone who shot you?

[Alex]

Originally Posted by Gemini Cricket

I think the value is the ability to let go of a bad situation where the girl could blame this guy for the rest of her life and turn into a bitter adult.

Well, if forgiveness means that I won't allow my anger at someone to dominate my life to the detriment of all else then yes, I suppose I could forgive just about anything.

If forgiveness means I absolve you of responsbility/liability for your actions then it is a tougher hurdle.

[Nephythys]

You don't think she can choose to do this without being coached? Huh-ok......

Forgiveness is for the person offering it- to free them of the burden of anger and hate that not forgiving can bring.

Forgive me but I think some people here might lack understanding of the fundamental meaning behind someone offering forgiveness- it has nothing to do with this man not facing consequences.

But the discussion requires theology- and in this mixed company the conversation would be......tiring.

[Alex]

I only suspect she is mimicing (though earnestly, I'm sure) or coached because at her age she can't really understand what exactly she is forgiving.

But I have no problem with the first of the definitions given above, though in that definition I don't so much think she is forgiving as just that she is young and emotionally resilient. We'll have to wait until she is 15 and really wants to be a cheerleader with the other popular girls to see if she is cheerleading.

The great thing about forgiveness that is purely internal is that it is non-binding and easily revoked.

[Nephythys]

You teach a kid at that age to forgive- you teach them to let go of the hate and anger that could so easily build- and you are rasing a kid with the ability to let things go. That's perfect to do at her age- you call it "coaching" I call it raising a child to do the right thing.

[Alex]

I didn't say it was a bad thing, just that I don't think she really understand what she is saying. Maybe later she'll understand and still stand by what she said. Or she won't.

It's like teaching a kid to say "please" and "thank you." They'll be coached (or raised) to say it at the appropriate times long before they really mean it.

[Nephythys]

I guess as a mother- I give kids more credit than that. My daughter knows- she's 6.

[tracilicious]

Originally Posted by Nephythys

You teach a kid at that age to forgive- you teach them to let go of the hate and anger that could so easily build- and you are rasing a kid with the ability to let things go. That's perfect to do at her age- you call it "coaching" I call it raising a child to do the right thing.

But you can't really ever teach someone to let go of anger. You can only help them in a small way. The girls anger is her own. She will probably feel it at least from time to time for the rest of her life. To try to "teach" someone to let go is only teaching them to suppress their emotions. She can forgive what she understands, but she'll have to forgive again each time she encounters another phase of life that she can't participate in.

[Nephythys]

I guess we'll call it a difference of opinion then- I think you can teach someone to let go. They then can make the choice to do it, or not.

[tracilicious]

I think you can tell someone to let go. I'm not sure how you could teach such a deeply personal thing. IMO, the healthiest thing to do would be to give her many outlets to express anger and sadness in a healthy way and let her come to forgiveness in her own time.

[Ghoulish Delight]

This brings to mind a provocative view of free will I've recently read and have mulled over. The picture goes something like this:

A: I have free will because I can choose to do anything I want to do.
B: But, you see, in your very own definition of free will, you have leveled a restriction.
A: How so?
B: You said, 'I can choose what I want to do.' Let me ask you this, my good friend. Could you choose to kill me right now?
A: Certainly. I am stronger than you, I could easily imagine killing you, either with my hands or with a weapon.
B: Ah, but that's not what I asked. I didn't ask if it were physically possible, I asked, could you choose to kill me?
A: Hmm, that does seem a stickier wicket.
B: Isn't "anything I want" a convenient little delusional phrase? Clearly your will is NOT as free as you think. You are limited to "choosing" only that which "you" will allow yourself to "choose".