Inspiration 7.0

[LSPoorEeyorick]

A short play

Dramatis Personae:
Alfred S. Felidae, a lion
Ursa Thorpe, a polar bear
Clyde "Dumbo" Smith, an elephant
Mutthew Plunkett, a dog
Theodore Grey, a bear
Charles "Astro" Tandy, a dog
Bill Thompson, a platypus
Angel Delmar, a fish
Mela Chu, a large panda
Leuca Chin, a small panda
Silas Cotton, a rabbit

Lights up on a nearly-blank stage. An array of ragged and faded animals are spread out, off-kilter and motionless. A lion, an elephant, and a dog are seated on a bench. Next to the bench, a bear is slumped in a chair. Another dog leans on a stump; a platypus and a fish are splayed on the ground next to two spooning pandas. On stage left, a polar bear faces the other animals in a chair, next to which sits a bucket—its contents concealed. an empty chair sits off to the side with its back to the audience. On stage right, a forked tree sprawls skyward—and in the middle of this fork hangs the front half of a rabbit holding a drum. The rabbit looks up and speaks to the audience.

SPEEDY
The meeting was called to order by Commisioner Ursa Thorpe at 7:00 PM on Monday, April 20, in the garden beside Little Granny Restaurant and Café. Members present included Alfred S.Felidae, Clyde "Dumbo" Smith, Mutthew Plunkett, Theodore Grey, Charles "Astro" Tandy, Bill Kendrick, Angel Delmar, Mela Chu, Leuca Chin, and, of course, myself—Silas Cotton.

Each animal has become conscious at the mention of its name.

BILL
Speedy!

SPEEDY
They call me Speedy.

BILL
Get over here, you bastard!

SPEEDY
It's ironic.

BILL
It wouldn't be so hard to get down, you know. If you jumped.

SPEEDY
Go to hell, Bill.
(to audience)
Bill never tires of mocking my circumstances.

BILL
No, really. Just let go.

SPEEDY
I can't ****ing let go. The drum is sewn into my paws.

BILL
Is it any wonder that you have trouble moving on?

ANGEL
Get off his back, platypus.

SPEEDY
Angel is…

BILL
How 'bout I get off on yours?

SPEEDY
Beautiful.

ANGEL
It's animals like you that make me grateful my eggs are fertilized outside of my body.

SPEEDY
And blunt.

ANGEL
If I could, in fact, lay eggs.

SPEEDY
To a fault.

ANGEL
How's it looking from up there, Silas?

SPEEDY
Still no change. I'm trying not to be disheartened.

ANGEL
I know you are.

SPEEDY
I don't think the Sea of Lights is coming.

A great dingy polar bear draws herself up in her chair.

URSA
Ladies and gentlemen? Are we ready?

BILL
Yes, Madam Commissioner.

URSA
Very well.

SPEEDY
(to audience)
Members absent included Daisy. Just Daisy. Again.

URSA
A good evening to you all. I hope that since our last meeting, you are all finding yourselves well. Let us review the agenda for this evening.

SPEEDY
(to audience)
Old business: there is no old business.

URSA
Moving on, then…

SPEEDY
No old business that they want to talk about, anyway.

URSA
The next item on the agenda is new business.

SPEEDY
(to audience)
New business: a report from the co-chairs of the Committee for Weather Preparedness.

URSA
Let us now hear from Mela Chu and Leuca Chin.

MELA and LEUCA
Good afternoon.

MELA
As you all know, the path of days is cyclical.

LEUCA
With each passing day, we travel back around toward our earlier steps, retracing them every cycle.

(The two pandas speak in overlapping statements.)
MELA
Petals follow thaw

LEUCA
Thaw follows crust

MELA
Crust follows crisp

LEUCA
Crisp follows the sea of lights.

MELA
And petals once more.

LEUCA
Today, the petals have gone, and the crisp…

MELA
As you can sense—

LEUCA
…is upon us. While the absence of the Sea of Lights is disconcerting,
we must face the facts.

MELA
The crust is coming soon, and we must consider our survival tactics for the impending weather.

LEUCA
The crust falls comes from the sky, and so it is our recommendation…

MELA
Following careful strategic planning…

LEUCA
That we construct some sort of shelter, so that we will not be separated—

MELA
nor harmed!

LEUCA
…when it freezes around us. We have taken the liberty of obtaining this billowing object…

MELA
(holding up an unraveling and soiled children's safety blanket)
Which—stretched over the chairs, should provide sufficient shelter from the coming cycle.

LEUCA
We place a motion on the table: after the crisp has settled in and the Sea of Lights return, we will construct our shelter…

MELA
And prevent our suffering.

ANGEL
Prevent our suffering?
(She scoffs.)

URSA
Angel, I will not tolerate your speaking out of turn.

ANGEL
I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Madame Commissioner, but I simply cannot listen to these elegant, ignorant words without responding.

URSA
Must I demand your removal from this quorum?

ANGEL
Demand all you like, Ursa Thorpe, but you and I both know I'm not going anywhere. No one is. We are stuffed animals. And we're stuck here, and no amount of "billowing objects" will solve our problems.

URSA
And I presume you have the answer to said problems?

ANGEL
No. I can't say that I have the answer. But I have a hell of a lot of questions.

(continued)