sorrow and despair

[MickeyLumbo]

it has been a difficult night/morning...with little sleep. reading through this thread, although sobbing, i have been so deeply comforted by your care and concern.

the feelings are still so raw.

there is/was no way i could perform "on stage" and do my job properly, and gratefully, my boss has given me the day off.

Brett stayed up with me until 2am and has already left for work. that is probably a good thing because he must feel helpless hearing my agony.

my mind tells me i did the right thing.

my heart feels like i betrayed her trust - the trust that she had that i would always be her protector and best friend.

IsM - your post was considerably comforting, and i thank you so much.
3894 - rainbow ridge is amazing and i can only pray that it is true. difficult to watch this morning, but, i am indeed grateful you directed me to that site.

it has been eye opening to hear of how many of you have "been there" and know this feeling. this was a first for me and i can't bear the thought of experiencing that moment of decision again.

fvck.

thank you all for taking the time to post and making me feel so loved.