Funny/Bizarre/Ironic merchandise

[AllyOops!]

Listen, Hades..

I KNOW your'e talkin' about MY man. You remember I met him the night I snuck into Talk Of The Town Trailer Park in Norwalk, CA., drunk off of my ass from mixing Mad Dog & Pabst (I save Night Train & St. Paulie Girl for the Holidays, washed down with Box Wine), armed with a pair of lock snips and the main goal of stealing his balls? Truck balls, mind you. Try as I may, that bastard Pervis had a strong pair of certified Truck Balls lock and chain. When he caught me and tried to shoot me, it was love at first pistol whip (He's a gentlemen. He doesn't successfully shoot women). He gave me his treasured balls, and I gave him some of my teeth (who needs a full set?). Now? I get the pleasure of his real, truckless balls. In Asti Spumante champagne. Sigh. Such a prize!